


Closer Than Ever

by Serani



Category: Super Lovers (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Angst, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, Happy Ending, M/M, Masturbation, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Twincest
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-10
Updated: 2017-10-03
Packaged: 2018-11-30 12:17:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 30,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11463441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Serani/pseuds/Serani
Summary: They’re brothers—twins—and have always had a close relationship. Each knows what the other thinks, can read his mood like no one else. But there’s something between them, something buried deeply that they hold back from each other. They’ve managed to hide it all these years, but that can’t last forever, no matter how much they want it to. If they let it out, though, it might drive a wedge between the brothers that could destroy them. But maybe just maybe their love is enough that they can withstand the storm and come out on the other side closer than ever.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> First, and most important, the characters and world within this story belong Abe-sensei (I think I got the last name right. Why can't places be consistent?!) for the manga and Ishihira-sensei for the anime. I do not own anything, nor do I wish to make money off this.
> 
> Secondly, it's been a *long* time since I have written fanfiction. For the last several years, I've been writing (and publishing) original works and my own world and characters, who I let run amok in my brain to do as they please, which I then write down. So, please forgive me if I am off on characterization or forget details of Abe-sensei's world. I have read and reread the manga and hope I've got a handle on everything and I will try my best.
> 
> Third: I have *just* found the newest chapters (post 29) in raw format. They're not translated yet and my Japanese is crap, but based on the art, there are some seriously upsetting things coming. Just an FYI that where this story falls in the manga would be *after* well after 32 and things work out (because ugh! I am really getting this close to hoping Ren finds someone else. That poor kid. >.>) . Anyway, this is a slight alternate timeline kind of thing. The events of 30-32 may or may not happen in my idea of the future of the manga, but either way, this story is *not* at the time of Chapter 32.

Chapter 1

Shima reminded himself he was the calm, logical one. Unlike his twin brother, he kept his cool. He didn’t yell. He didn’t shout like Aki did. Generally speaking, he didn’t even get emotional.

And he had no idea how he got in the situation he was in.

Maybe what his younger brother Ren had once said was true and he simply sucked at dealing with women. Or maybe there was a deeper reason behind it. It didn’t matter, he didn’t have time to figure it out right then.

His most recent attempt at dating was turning an alarming shade of purple in her rage. The reaction wasn’t new to him and it was, frankly, getting old.

“How can you choose that?”

She didn’t shriek, and he was grateful for that. Her voice was a bit louder than he would have liked, however, and he was glad they were in a relatively quiet corner of the university grounds while they did this.

“I’ve said it more than once now, Minami-chan.” Shima had a feeling his calm, quiet voice was only making things worse, but he couldn’t do anything about that. That was just how he was. “If it’s between my brothers and anyone else, I choose my brothers.”

“But—” She blinked several times in quick succession, and a big, fat tear leaked from each eye.

“I’m sorry,” Shima said, frowning. He wasn’t, not really, because he was tired of having this fight with people. It truly boggled his mind how so many people couldn’t understand putting family first.

“Don’t lie!” The tear-filled eyes turned to anger again and Shima sighed.

He didn’t even bother to argue that. While it wasn’t entirely a lie, he certainly didn’t enjoy fighting with her, so he was sorry, to a point. It wouldn’t make a difference even if he tried to explain, though. “If you’d still like to go out on Sunday, I’m more than happy to.”

She scowled. “We had plans on Saturday!”

“No, _you_ made plans for Saturday, even though I told you two weeks ago I had plans with my brother. Now, if—”

“Never mind! You’re hopeless.” With a rather over-dramatic—in Shima’s opinion—sigh, she flipped her hair, turned on her heel, and stormed off.

Shima frowned. “Does that mean you don’t want to go out Sunday?” The rude gesture she gave him over her shoulder told him everything thing he needed to know.

And, if he was honest with himself, relieved him.

Letting out another sigh of his own, he picked up his bag from the ground at his feet, swung it over his shoulder, and turned around. As he walked along the sidewalk toward the building Aki was in, he tried to figure out if he could have done something differently. But the sticking point, as it had been with the last… he couldn’t remember how many women, was that they wanted him to choose them over his brothers.

Sure, he and his brothers were closer than some families were. But he thought it made sense, considering what the four of them had gone through already in their lives. With the deaths of their parents, Ren showing up late in their lives, and Haru trying to hold the whole family together by himself, they’d dealt with a lot. Given all that, it made sense to Shima that they’d all be close, maybe even closer than most families. Even so, he’d have thought family still came first, even if they weren’t as close as the Kaido brothers were.

Shima couldn’t help but wonder if there wasn’t something more, though. Ren was certainly right—he sucked at dealing with women. They were completely alien to him. He might as well have tried to date the racoon—err dog—than a woman. He might understand the dog better. But maybe it was in part because he wasn’t really interested in any of them. He hadn’t felt anything for them beyond friendship. A few of them had been fun to do things with, but no more than any other friend he’d had.

His lack of success might also have had something to do with the fact that he hadn’t been interested in doing anything sexual with any of them, either. He didn’t think it was gender—he hadn’t been any more interested in guys than women. Well, most guys. There was one, but he did his damnedest to not think about that.

He had good reasons for not wanting to have sex with someone. For one thing, Haru had worked his ass off to get Shima through university and he wasn’t about to screw that up by getting a girl pregnant. There wasn’t a birth control on the planet that was one hundred percent effective except not having sex in the first place.

For another, if he was completely honest with himself, none of those women was the person he wanted and he didn’t think it was right to have sex with one person and think of someone else. It wouldn’t be right to the person he was with and not to the person he would have been thinking of. So he just didn’t put himself in the situation to begin with.

One girlfriend hadn’t understood why he wasn’t ready to have sex. She’d actually tried to push the issue when they’d been alone one night. That relationship had ended right then and had lasted all of a week.

Shima sighed as he got to the front of the building for Aki’s last class. He leaned against the tree and did his best to ignore his brother and his brother’s current attempt at a relationship. Aki wasn’t any better at dating, it seemed, than he was. He’d probably had about the same number of them and, as far as Shima knew, the same success rate—that was, zero.

“Damn it, Kozue-chan, I said no!” Aki’s dulcet tones drifted across the relatively short expanse of grass.

Shima glanced over to see Aki with his arms out on Kozue’s shoulders. He was scowling, his face turning redder by the moment. His jacket was askew and he looked a little…disheveled, was the best word Shima could come up with. He tried not to think about why Aki might be disheveled—and the feelings that would cause in himself—and instead raised his eyebrows as he turned to watch.

Kozue looked truly puzzled and Shima felt a little bad for her. “But why?”

“I don’t want to. It’s that simple. I’m sorry, if you can’t accept that…”

The puzzled expression turned to anger. “Really? What’s wrong with me?”

Aki dropped his hands and shrugged a shoulder. Shima watched, rather fascinated to see just how inept his brother was at dealing with women. He guessed he was just as bad; he just didn’t usually get to watch from the outside.

“What kind of a—s—as— _jerk_ are you?” She stomped her foot.

Shima winced. That was not the way to convince his brother of anything.

“Jerk? I’m a _jerk_ because I don’t want to have sex?” He was shouting by the time he was finished and Shima winced again, this time at the noise level. They were drawing a bit of attention.

She scowled. “That’s not—what—I can’t believe you!” She took a deep breath, and Shima was impressed despite himself at her shift in attitude. She leaned back toward Aki. “Come on, Aki-kun, just a kiss?”

Aki’s scowl simply deepened. “No. For the last time, no. I’m done. Bye.” He nearly growled the last, shrugging his jacket into place with a jerk, then snatched his bag up from the ground. Without looking back, he crossed the grass in a few angry strides, stopping next to Shima.

Kozue stared after him in shock the entire time, only finally realizing Aki was serious when he hadn’t turned around. With a ridiculously loud huff, she grabbed her bag as well, and stomped off the other direction.

“So… I take it we’re clear for Saturday?” Shima asked as they started walking toward the train station.

“Yup.” Aki fell into step next to him. “Take it you cleared things up too?”

“You could say that.”

“She dump you too?”

Shima didn’t sigh, though he wanted to. “Let’s just say it was… mostly mutual.”

“Mutual. Right.” Aki chuckled. “Yeah, let’s go with that.”

Shima didn’t bother to give a reply, though in part because Aki didn’t expect one. They walked in silence the rest of the way to the train. It was something he appreciated about his brother. As loud, hot-headed, and obnoxious as his brother could be, he could be quiet at times too. They didn’t need to talk all that much. Having spent their entire lives together—including sharing a womb—he could read Aki’s moods without effort. Right then, Aki was trying to get rid of the anger at Kozue, and Shima let him deal with it.

Of course if Shima could read Aki’s moods, that meant Aki could read his, which was something of a feat when almost no one else could. Haru could, to a point. And Ren. Both mostly because they’d spent the time learning. He knew he didn’t give a lot away when it came to his emotions, but that just meant he appreciated it all the more that his brothers tried so hard.

Still, sometimes he wished Aki didn’t know him so well. Now and again when he let his mind wander somewhere it shouldn’t go, Aki knew it. Shima had managed thus far to avoid actually telling his brother what was on his mind when that happened, but Aki never stopped asking. So he worked even harder to keep that hidden and every time he failed, it frustrated him more.

The fights with Minami and Kozue had delayed them long enough that they didn’t get to the station until rush hour. This meant the train was quite crowded when it got there. They didn’t have much choice, though, because they weren’t about to walk that far and it would be hours before the number of passengers on the trains got better. Shima wedged himself in behind Aki, dropping his bag between his feet like Aki did. He realized a little too late he was in the exact _wrong_ position.

The only thing he was grateful for was the fact that no one was behind him. He could lean back to all but the door, though that wasn’t nearly enough space because as soon as he did everyone else moved. Still, the door was metal and not another person, so that was something. That was all he could find to be glad of, though. Because tight against his groin was… Aki’s ass.

Perhaps this was punishment for treating Minami so badly? Not that he was sure he could have—or would have—done anything differently. Still, the last thing he needed yet that day was to have Aki grinding against his cock all the way home and the way the train moved, as tight as they were, it was bound to happen.

Shima tried a little desperately to think of something to distract himself. He mentally worked statistics problems. He recited the dates for the battles of the Thirty-Eight Years' War from the Nara period. He tried naming all the characters of Aki’s latest video game.

Nothing worked. The first time the train rocked, he completely lost his thoughts when Aki’s ass rubbed against his cock again. By the time they went around another curve and Aki had ground into him for the third _—_ or was it fourth? _—_ time, his cock was rock hard. And nestled right at the crack of Aki’s ass.

_How the hell does he not feel this?_

Shima couldn’t begin to work that out unless Aki was just oblivious. Except that, while Aki was hot-tempered and stubborn, he wasn’t stupid or out of it. He had to be feeling it and Shima couldn’t wrap his head around why Aki wasn’t trying to get away. Sure, there wasn’t a _lot_ of space, but Aki didn’t seem even remotely aware of or bothered by it.

Shima wondered if he could maybe get his bag between them and thus separate them enough so he at least wasn’t all but fucking Aki right there on the train. He tried to move, but within a few seconds could tell it was useless. There just wasn’t enough space to do anything. He had maybe an inch between him and the door behind him and, as far as he could tell, no more space than that in front of Aki.

So, he gave up, closed his eyes, gritted his teeth, and hoped against hope there’d be no delays. They still had way too long before they got to their stop. If they were delayed at all, he was afraid he’d humiliate himself with a wet spot on the front of his pants.

Because it felt fucking _amazing_ to have Aki against him like that.

The train rocked again and the rest of Aki smashed against him. _Oh, please make it stop!_ Without thinking, he pushed his arm between Aki and the man in front of them and wrapped it around Aki to hold him still. But now they were touching from chest to groin. Their legs were threaded and Shima was pretty sure a single molecule of air couldn’t get between them.

Shima closed his eyes, struggling with the situation, with his own body, with the feel of Aki against him. Aki’s scent filled him and before he could stop himself, he leaned his head forward slightly and took a deep inhale. As twins, he’d have thought it wouldn’t be anything special or all that different from his own. But something about Aki’s scent had always done crazy-good things to him. It said _home_ to him. It was warmth and love.

It was also a complete turn on for him and that knowledge was something he kept carefully locked away in the deepest parts of himself.

He was jarred out of that thought as the train started moving again. This time, he lost the inch behind him, putting him up against the door. Aki pressed a little tighter against him, arm and hand coming to rest on Shima’s. Aki also ground into Shima’s cock again, and whether it had been deliberate or not, it made Shima struggle to remember how to breathe. He was seriously way more than aroused and was going to be full-on embarrassed if this didn’t end soon. This was getting beyond ridiculous and into downright absurd.

Taking a somewhat deep breath—Shima couldn’t breathe too deeply between Aki’s scent filling him and the pressure on his chest from being sandwiched between Aki and the door—he bent his head to speak into Aki’s ear. “Could you move forward just an inch?”

Aki turned his head and spoke into Shima’s ear. “I’m either tight against you or tight against that stranger. Which would you pick? Besides, you’re the one with your arm around me.”

Annoyed that Aki was right, Shima started to move his arm. If he hadn’t been _so_ focused on Aki, he’d have missed it, but Aki just _barely_ squeezed his hand. Just enough that Shima could recognize it or ignore it, as he chose.

He wasn’t sure what to make of that, whether Aki really wanted his arm there or not. If he did, why? Shima pushed the thought off. Trying, yet again, to not breathe too deeply, he kept his arm where it was around Aki and closed his eyes once more. For just a moment, he let himself savor the feel of Aki in his arms and against him. It was still causing a terrible problem but he couldn’t resist the moment he was given.

 _Damn, he felt so good_. What would it be like to be able to hold Aki like this anytime he wanted or needed to? To bend his head and kiss the exposed neck in front of him? To know Aki would want these things?

Since there was no answer to his questions, he forced himself to mentally step back, tucking those thoughts back into the deepest, darkest pits they belonged in. I didn’t matter what that would be like. He had no business thinking it and even _if_ it wasn’t so wrong, Aki wasn’t about to return the feelings.

He looked up at the ceiling and tried to take a breath that wasn’t full of his twin brother. Once he had, he did his best to focus on the train, the voices around him, anything except the feel of the man in his arms. He thanked whatever deity might listen for every mile they traveled. Every stop they passed, he was grateful for. He tried to count them down in his head, though he kept forgetting them because the feel of Aki in his arms was too damned distracting.

They took this curve, then that curve, and no matter what he did, he couldn’t avoid Aki rubbing against him. He couldn’t believe how much pleasure was building so quickly and how embarrassing would that be? Even if he could stay silent—and with a house full of brothers he had practice with that—how did he hide from Aki that he’d just had an orgasm while up against his brother’s body? He didn’t think Aki would be able to miss that, no matter _how_ oblivious he was being.

Shima gritted his teeth, clenched his hand around the strap above his head in a death grip, and prayed in a way he never had before that they’d get to their stop soon. His cock was downright painfully hard.

Finally, _finally_ , the announcement came on overhead with their station. The crowd shifted and Shima let go of Aki. He turned just enough to get his bag and his eyes nearly crossed at the uncomfortable position his cock was in. He managed to surreptitiously adjust himself quickly then pick up his bag and a moment later, the train slowed as it pulled into the station.

As soon as the doors opened, he turned and stepped out of the train. He glanced over to look for his brother as Aki bent and picked up his own bag. Shima could have been imagining things, but he could have sworn he saw Aki adjust himself.

He couldn’t credit that very well, though and went with his first assumption that it was his imagination. When Aki caught up to him, they walked toward the exit, neither speaking. He was once more grateful that they didn’t need to talk because Shima couldn’t think of a single thing to say that wasn’t going to come out absolutely ridiculous.

What could he say? _Sorry for almost fucking you on the train_. Or how about, _didn’t meant to get hard while you were grinding your ass against me._ Or maybe, _Hey, should I have given you a reach-around_? Shima gladly kept his mouth shut.

As they made their way home, however, he had zero doubt he’d be spending some quality time with the lotion bottle and his hand that night.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As in chapter 1, this, Aki, Shima, Ren, Haru and everyone else belong to Abe-sensei. I am merely borrowing them for the purposes of making them do fun things to each other and have no intention of making money off this.
> 
> Second: I am trying not to let my updates go too long between chapters. I'm a bit of a perfectionist, though, and have gotten used to professional editing of my stuff, but, well, I can't exactly afford an editor for my fanfiction. It is edited as best I can, so please pardon the few typos and errors that slipped through.

You can find the playlist for this story [on Spotify](https://open.spotify.com/user/1282936620/playlist/0qMUifR34bRXH4mIK8iYxS).

* * *

Aki sighed as he dropped his head forward, letting the water work on the muscles in his neck and shoulders. The day at the café had been brutal, with more customers than they’d seen yet. He wasn’t sure what kept bringing new waves of people in, but he could guess.

Probably had something to do with his brother’s former job as a host.

Truthfully, however, he’d have thought that would have died down by then. Those that knew Haru had been a host had already shown up. Then again, he’d also been hearing whispers that some of the customers were showing up to see him and Shima. And still others said they wanted to watch the interactions and affection between Haru and Ren, but even _he_ could understand how women and girls would like to watch that.

He shook his head at himself and straightened, then focused on getting clean. Hair was first, then a thorough scrub to the rest of him, making sure he didn’t still smell like the café. He didn’t _mind_ the smell of coffee or cooking, but too many people, with their cologne and perfume, on top of the coffee and food was too much, even for him. So, he made sure to get rid of the smell as much as he could.

Once he felt like he wasn’t going to stink up the train, he stepped out then wiped down the mirror. He frowned at the bit of dark scruff on his face. He couldn’t grow much, and when something did come in, it looked horrible, so he got rid of it pretty quickly. He was so focused on the shaving, brushing his teeth, and messing with his hair that he lost track of how long he’d been in there. It wasn’t until a knock came to the door that he realized he’d been taking a while.

“Aki? Are you going to be in there all night?” Ren called through the door.

“Shit.” Aki glared at the door, annoyed at himself. It wasn’t like he _needed_ to do all that just to go out with Shima. He wrapped the towel around his waist and opened the door. “Sorry,” he said, his voice a little too curt.

Ren didn’t say anything, just watched him as he passed.

Aki ignored it and hurried to his room. The realization that he should apologize for his attitude only made him more irritated with himself. He shook it off, pulling out the jeans, shirt, and shoes he’d planned to wear. He checked his hair again, making a face at how messy it still was. Sure, it was _usually_ messy, but it didn’t need to be that bad. He ran the comb through it again, made sure, once more, that he didn’t stink and used a bit of his cologne. Finally, a few minutes later, checked that he had his wallet and phone, then was going down the steps.

Ren caught him about half way down, staring at him. “Are you going on a date?”

Aki blinked at him. “No, why?”

The answer Ren gave only made Aki’s irritation worse. “Then why did you worry about how you smell if you’re not going on a date?”

Ren’s sensitivity to smell did _not_ make Aki happy right then, so he had no idea how to answer that. Especially when he _just_ realized how much he’d put into getting ready for the evening.

Like the fact that normally, when he and Shima went out to the movies or something of the like, he wore the same jeans he wore all the time. He also only put on whatever T-shirt he happened to dig out of the clean laundry basket in his room. His best button-down shirt and nicest jeans, like he had on then, were most definitely not typical. And he _always_ wore his sneakers. Not the dress shoes he was carrying to put on in the genkan.

And he certainly didn’t bother combing his hair so carefully.

Or wear cologne.

“Aki?”

Aki pushed the questions off for when he wasn’t facing his little brother. “Uh. I worked a lot today. Needed a shower after that.” That was complete bullshit. It was barely even warm at that time of year, but not hot. Even busy, there’d been no reason for him to work up a sweat just delivering cups of coffee, sandwiches, and pastries to customers, even as many as there’d been. He hadn’t _needed_ to worry so much about the café smells, either, despite what he told himself earlier.

There was no doubt Ren saw through that, but as was typical for him, he didn’t reply to it and just continued up to the second floor.

“Oh, hey, Ren?”

Ren turned around. “Yeah?”

“Sorry for that earlier. I didn’t need to be so short.” Ren raised his eyebrows, clearly not expecting the apology so Aki, never one to miss an opportunity, added, “You’re short enough.”

Ren turned back around and kept going upstairs. Aki thought he heard “asshole” from Ren but he wasn’t sure, so he just chuckled and took the last few steps down.

Shima waited on the couch and stood as Aki got to the first floor. He looked Aki up and down once and if Aki didn’t know his twin brother so damned well, he’d have missed the infinitesimal eyebrow raise Shima gave. Aki didn’t know what to do with that, so he pushed the thought aside. He couldn’t quite resist the once-over he gave Shima, though, either. _Shima_ always dressed nicely, but like Aki, he usually only wore his typical pants and T-shirt with another shirt hanging open over it, nothing fancy. His pants always hugged his ass well, even though he didn’t try for that, though Aki was surprised by the pair Shima had chosen. Because his pants were one of the nicer pairs Shima owned. The deep green button-down wasn’t one that Shima wore often. The open neck and fabric that clung just enough made Aki forcibly remind himself they were brothers and to ignore the thoughts going through his mind right then. And that Shima wouldn’t return the appreciation.

But his brother—Aki gulped mentally—was looking _hot_.

So much for ignoring it.

“Ready?” Shima asked, bringing Aki’s gaze back to Shima’s face.

Aki nodded, doing his best to keep from blushing at being caught eyeing Shima. Normally, he’d scowl to cover it up, but he couldn’t seem to summon one right then. “Yeah.”

He was in for one more surprise, though. When they sat on the step of the genkan to put their shoes on, Shima wasn’t wearing his typical brown shoes. No, he was currently working on tying a pair of his dress shoes.

Which confused the hell out of Aki. Why had Shima dressed so nicely?

Why had _he_?

Aki was seriously starting to get irritated by the confusion. Then, making it worse, as they left the house, Shima held the gate for him. He blinked at his brother, but told himself Shima was just being nice—he held the gate sometimes, right?—and stepped through, then waited for Shima to close it.

They turned together and walked without speaking toward the train station. Aki was grateful for the quiet—and that Shima never seemed to feel the need to talk a whole lot—because he needed to put his weird emotions away so he could just enjoy the meal and movie. Sure, he was usually pretty damned emotional, though that mostly involved scowls or shouting. But the confusion and irritation were very _not_ welcome in that moment.

Frustrated, he took a deep breath, then another and consciously put the weird shit away. He wasn’t going to figure anything out then and the last thing he wanted to do was screw up the evening. They’d both been looking forward to the movie for the better part of a year and he didn’t need all this crap.

Even with the breaths and clearing his mind, for the first time in… he didn’t know how long… he couldn’t think of a single thing to talk about with his twin. They usually had _something_ to say: school or Ren and Haru or the café or _some_ thing. But he was blank. Falling back on the fact that they did quite well not talking, he just focused on walking.

The train station was fuller than he’d expected. It wasn’t until he remembered it was _Saturday_ , prime travel time for the day, and they were going on the same train line that goes to Shibuya—one of the more popular shopping places, especially for teenagers—that it sank in why. He just hoped to hell he wasn’t going to spend another nightmare train trip smashed up against Shima.

The trip they’d taken two days before had been bad enough. He’d never in his life expected he’d know what it was like to have Shima’s hard cock nestled between his ass cheeks. It _was_ through clothes, but that didn’t seem to make a damned bit of difference to his own body. He’d spent ninety-five percent of that trip with a hard cock himself.

Though apparently so had Shima. Aki had been trying to figure _that_ out for those two days. all Aki could come up with to explain it was that it was very likely pure physical stimulation. Anyone who had his dick rubbed that much was going to get hard. Aki had no excuse, though. No one had been against _his_ cock. He’d just been against Shima’s and hadn’t been able to resist imagining all _sorts_ of things at the time. It’d been a miracle he’d gotten off the train without a big wet spot on the front of his jeans.

He had, in fact, spent the majority of his free time the two days since then jacking off because of it.

Shaking the thought off, he leaned against the pillar on the platform and dragged a grin onto his face. “So. What do you want to get for food?”

Shima turned to him from watching for the train. “I already have a place in mind. It’s not far from the theater.”

Aki raised his eyebrows. “Oh?”

“Yes.” Shima nodded, but said no more.

Okay, that was… unusual. Shima rarely held anything like that back. There wasn’t often a reason for it. Sure, he didn’t always talk to Aki if it was someone else’s secrets, but there were _extremely_ few of those that Aki didn’t already know. But something like where they’d be eating… it made _no_ sense why Shima wouldn’t say. Aki frowned, but before he could speak again, the train started pulling into the station. Rather than decrypt Shima’s comment—or, rather, lack thereof—he watched the windows of the train and prayed silently that it would be empty.

But as it slowed and eventually stopped, Aki had to suppress a sigh.

Because of _course_ the train wasn’t empty.

It didn’t look quite as bad as it had been on Thursday and there was some relief in that. But they were definitely not going to be able to have seats with plenty of room on either side, either. In fact, it looked like they’d still be standing.

Once those getting off the train had cleared and those waiting in front of him and Shima had gotten on, Aki finally boarded the train. He frowned as he looked around, noting that it was a bit worse than he’d expected. The seats were all full and most of the overhead handles were taken up. There was, at least, a little bit of room, so it wasn’t quite as bad as Thursday. It was still more than a little crowded, though.

Aki sighed quietly as he got into place. He turned and faced Shima, who leaned back against the wall next to the door and held onto the handle. “Closer than the university, at least, right?”

“Yeah.” Aki nodded and settled himself with his feet braced as the train took off.

In an attempt to keep from staring at his brother, he looked up at the advertisements overhead, though they, of course, couldn’t hold his attention. Now that they were on the train and he had time to think, his mind went right back to the confusion from earlier. He had to admit, if only to himself, he’d taken a lot more care in his appearance that evening. No matter how much he tried, though, he couldn’t figure out what had prompted him to do so. The extra time in the shower, he could maybe understand. The shaving, sure.

But the clothes, the shoes, his hair, and the cologne baffled him.

He was so focused on his inner mess, the raised voices didn’t get through to him at first. As they did, he started to turn around to see what was happening, when one of the guys knocked into him, sending him right into Shima, face first. He caught himself with his hands on either side of Shima’s shoulders. It kept their faces from colliding, but he didn’t manage to stop himself from crushing their bodies together.

Despite the cause of his fall, his body reacted to having Shima against him and his heart started pounding. His palms sweated, his stomach jumped, and as if he was back to being a teenager, his cock went hard in what could only be seconds.

It pissed him off. He was confused enough over that evening, he really _didn’t_ need that added on top of it. He especially didn’t need Shima to figure out there was something going on—and Shima would, he knew Aki too well—because of this.

He spun around. “What the—”

Shima’s arms came around him and he pulled Aki back. “Let it go,” he said in Aki’s ear. “It’s not worth it. It’ll just screw up the evening.”

Aki couldn’t argue that. He wanted to. His heart was still pounding and his cock wasn’t going to go soft for a while. He wanted to hold onto the anger, take out his frustration on something else and possibly get rid of the mess in his head he was trying so hard to fight. The two guys who’d been arguing were standing close together only a few inches away from him and Shima. They seemed to be talking quietly now, though, so Aki had to admit Shima was right.

The fight went out of him as quickly as it hit. He blew out a breath, slumping down a little and giving himself a moment to collect his wits. At least, that’s what he told himself.

It wasn’t because it felt so good to be in Shima’s arms. Nope. Not at all.

It wasn’t because he wanted to stay there, savor the feel of Shima’s body against his own. Not in the least.

And it wasn’t because he wanted Shima to want him there, to tighten those arms around him, to tilt his head up so they could kiss. Absolutely not.

He shifted as if to stand, but Shima just held on and his deep voice filled Aki. “Take a minute and calm down.”

Aki’s cock jumped and he swallowed hard. He took the opportunity and let himself enjoy the moment in Shima’s arms. He closed his eyes and did his best to commit every detail to memory to take out later: the firm chest against his back, the arms around him, the way Shima’s hands felt against him even through the fabric, the breath on his ear, the warmth surrounding him.

He finally managed to get himself to straighten up. As he pulled away, he could have sworn Shima let go of him reluctantly. _God_ he wished. But he knew better. _He_ was the one that would have liked to have something more—something no one should want with his brother. _He_ was the one that had spent more than a few nights over the years dreaming about his twin.

With a concerted effort, he pulled himself together and turned around again. Shima’s gaze moved over Aki’s face and he raised an eyebrow. “You okay?”

Aki took one more breath and put away the mess in his head to deal with later. “Yeah—”

The announcement came on overhead for their stop then and the two of them turned to the door. Aki sent up a prayer of thanks that at least the train trip was over.

The short walk to the restaurant was filled with traffic and noise, keeping Aki from asking exactly where they were going. He was plenty familiar with the area, but there were so many restaurants on that street, it didn’t give Aki a clue. Shima could have been leading him any one of those, many of which they’d eaten at before.

Before Aki could really process where they were, they stopped in front of a narrow storefront, and Aki’s eyes widened at the sign. The restaurant was one of his favorite places and while he appreciated it, he didn’t understand why Shima would have picked this place, or, at the very least why he wouldn’t tell Aki. As much as Aki loved the place, it certainly wasn’t the cheapest restaurant. They usually reserved it for what Haru would take them out. Aki blinked at his brother, but Shima didn’t say anything, simply opened the door for Aki, confusing him once more. “Uh, Shima?”

Shima waved inside. “I’m hungry.”

Shaking his head, Aki stepped inside and moved up to greet the host.

The host had a wide smile and bowed slightly as they approached his stand. “Welcome! Welcome! Do you have reservations or would you simply like a seat?”

“Reservations for Kaido,” Shima said before Aki could answer.

 _He made reservations?_ Aki’s confusion was getting worse and he waffled between happy and annoyed.

Because it was feeling more and more like he and Shima… were on a date.

Which was absurd. Ridiculous. Beyond crazy. Entirely aside from their relationship, Shima didn’t feel that way about him. He couldn’t decide if the happiness—he didn’t mind that it felt like a date—or annoyance was more prevalent. Because it certainly _wasn’t_ a date, no matter how much he might have wanted it to be, and Aki had to forcibly remind himself of that. So, why the reservations?

 _He just wanted to make sure we could get a table_. Saturday nights were bad; there was no doubt about that. Unless they went to McDonald’s—which neither was particularly fond of—getting a table on Saturday night could be a challenge. That made sense.

Aki managed to get himself to relax as they followed the host to a table for two toward the back.

The host recited the specials then bowed once more before retreating. The server came out only a moment later. “Good evening!”

Once they’d put in their drink and food orders—Aki had the pork—Aki finally dug up something to talk about. The conversation over the Marvel Creative Universe lasted most of the way through dinner. Aki even managed to get Shima to smile and laugh quite a bit, which did all sorts of warm things to Aki’s insides. Before Aki knew it—and could discuss it—Shima was paying the check, and they were on their way to the movie.

“You didn’t have to pay,” Aki said as they waited at the corner for the light.

Shima shrugged a shoulder. “I didn’t mind.” He looked over at Aki for a long moment and Aki returned the look. As he did, he was struck again by how just hot his brother was. Forcing himself to _not_ think about what the rest of Shima looked like—they were twins, after all—he managed to drag his mind out of the gutter, or in this case, Shima’s pants, and focus on where they were going.

“How about I get the tickets?”

When Shima hesitated, Aki looked over with an eyebrow raise. Finally, Shima nodded. “All right.”

Aki had no idea what to do with that or why Shima had hesitated. _Normally_ , they paid for their own stuff—food, tickets, whatever. He threw it on the rest of the pile of confusion and turned his attention to the theater.

It was only a couple of blocks from the restaurant. Aki bought their tickets, choosing their seats carefully. There were only a few options left. He finally handed one ticket to Shima, then turned toward the concession stand. “Do you want anything?”

Shima seemed just as surprised as Aki had been earlier over the dinner. Aki flashed him a grin and finally Shima nodded. “Thanks.”

Aki’s grin widened and they got in line. A few moments later, they each had cups of Pepsi and were making their way to their seats. The ones Aki had picked when he bought the tickets hadn’t been his first choice. They were close enough, though, and he was happy as they sat.

“Good seats,” Shima said, setting his drink into the holder.

“Yeah. I wanted those,” Aki said, pointing to the seats to their left. “But it could be worse.” He couldn’t decide if he was happy or annoyed that the arm in between the seats didn’t come down. On one hand, he wouldn’t have that bit of barrier to help keep him from touching Shima, which he absolutely shouldn’t do. Most of the time, they had no problem with casual touching but that night was anything but normal. On the other hand, with the arm broken and up, the temptation would be great to accidentally touch, which he wanted so badly to do. He tried to just not think about it.

The discussion over the movie series took up the short time between their arrival and the previews. In fact, Aki managed quite well at not thinking about how close Shima was until a ridiculously tall guy sat in front of him. It wouldn’t have been a problem if the guy hadn’t _also_ had hair his in spikes. Even with the stadium seating, the guy’s hair was just enough in the way to be distracting. Aki leaned to the side and discovered if he did, he could see enough and the guy’s spiked hair was off to the right screen.

But that meant leaning over for most of the movie. He sighed and muttered, “shit.”

“Why don’t you just move this way since the arm’s not in the way?”

Aki tried really hard to keep from letting Shima’s breath on his ear drive him crazy. He turned to his twin. “I’m not going to crowd you because of some asshole.” _No, if I’m going to move, I’d rather it be because you want me to._

“You sit against me at home all the time,” Shima pointed out.

Well, shit. There wasn’t much he could say to that. And he _did_ want to be closer, even if he shouldn’t—either be closer _or_ want it. It seemed wrong somehow, though, to take advantage of the situation that way, but Aki ruthlessly buried the guilt and shifted over.

Putting him close enough to smell Shima.

Who smelled fucking _amazing_.

He tried to find a way to sit that wasn’t going to make him a candidate for a mental hospital. His cock was already half-hard from the warmth and smell. How long was it going to take before it went fully hard and he had to shift in his seat? He closed his eyes and did his best to force the wants and craziness into a back corner of his mind. With a—mostly—shallow breath, he forced his attention to the last couple of previews.

He managed to focus solidly through the first half of the movie. There was plenty of action and an explosion or three, so he’d been able to ignore Shima enough for that. But somewhere around the time Peter Parker tried to save a sinking ferry, Aki lost all hope of concentration.

Shima leaned in and whispered, “I need to move my arm. Do you mind?”

Aki really should have gotten clarification before he said, “I don’t mind.” But, of course, he didn’t.

So when Shima put his arm along the back of the seats—a little too close for Aki’s comfort—Aki completely lost the thread of the movie. He was sure it was good; he managed to catch a few moments here and there, but anytime he or Shima shifted, Shima’s arm got closer to his shoulders until it rested completely on him.

If Aki didn’t know better, he would have sworn Shima did it on purpose.

And yet, Aki wouldn’t admit to himself, much less his brother, that he let himself shift closer to Shima as well. And didn’t mind one bit that Shima’s arm was around him. Or that they were all but tight against each other.

Nope. He absolutely did _not_ have any of that going through his mind.

He was also getting really good at lying to himself.

They waited patiently through the two after-credit scenes, neither moving away from the other, even though the guy with the big hair had already left. Finally, they were over and Aki had to stand.

He wasn’t exactly sure how he was going to do that because his cock was _still_ —or again?—half hard. He took advantage of the fact that a lot of people had already left and the theater was still fairly dim. As he reached over to pick up his cup, he adjusted himself enough that he wouldn’t be too uncomfortable to walk to the bathroom.

 

Aki couldn’t decide if he was disappointed or relieved that the train was much emptier on the way home. Considering how frustrated and confused he was, he decided it didn’t matter, but it was better all-around for them to be able to put space between them. They were still close enough to talk without being too loud, and they spent the trip back to their station talking about the movie.

When they came out of the station by home, Shima pointed at the coffee shop down the block. “Coffee before we go back?”

Yet again, Aki was surprised. Normally, they just went home and went their separate ways to do whatever. He wasn’t going to argue, though, since he really _didn’t_ want to do that yet. He nodded and in silence they walked over to the coffee shop. They picked up the movie conversation as soon as they put in their orders and kept it going when they picked up their orders.

Cups in hand, they walked over to the park. There were plenty of times they took the path through it toward home, but not always, because sometimes the park was just too full. The route over the other streets was just as short. Aki wondered if it wasn’t deliberate—on his or Shima’s part, conscious or not—that they went through the park.

He couldn’t summon any more mental energy to try to figure it out. Instead, he sipped his coffee and broke off a small piece of the cake he’d bought at the shop, then popped it into his mouth. He was so insanely aware of Shima next to him, way too close for Aki’s sanity. He could feel Shima’s warmth and his heart started beating faster as he let himself wish he could take Shima’s hand.

When they crossed the foot bridge, over the little stream, Aki broke off another piece of cake and offered it to Shima. His twin wasn’t _big_ on sweets, though he didn’t always turn them down, so Aki wasn’t too surprised when Shima nodded.

What _did_ surprise Aki was what happened when he fed it to Shima instead of Shima taking it. He’d intended to just be a little goofy but it didn’t happen that way at all. Instead, Shima ended up with his lips around Aki’s fingertips.

 _Oh fuck me_. Aki swallowed and despite his best efforts, his cheeks heated because his mind replaced his fingers with his cock and the image of Shima sucking Aki’s dick hit him _hard_. It was too dark and the path lights too low to be sure, but he thought it was possible Shima was blushing too. Then again, it could be a trick of the light. He took that thought because it meant Shima probably didn’t see the color in Aki’s cheeks either.

Without speaking, the two awkwardly turned toward home. The conversation died after that, but Aki concentrated on simply eating his cake and sipping his coffee. And, before he was ready for it—before, despite the confusion, he wanted the evening to end—they stood outside the gate to the house.

They kept their silence until they’d taken off their shoes at the genkan and stopped at the bottom of the stairs. Haru and Ren had apparently already gone to bed, but they’d left one of the lamps on the end table lit for them. Aki turned to Shima and considered him in the low light. Shima didn’t seem any more eager to go upstairs than Aki felt, but Aki had no idea what to do, either.

When he’d dated, he’d said good night at the door, then kissed his girlfriend—usually on the cheek, on rare occasions on the lips. Then he happily went home.

He couldn’t very well kiss Shima, no matter how much he wanted to. Instead, he forced himself to speak. “Uh, thanks for dinner.”

Shima’s eyes seemed to be moving over Aki’s face. Finally, he replied. “Thanks for the movie and coffee.”

Aki nodded. “Yeah. Uh, it was great.” He let Shima interpret that however he wanted to. Aki _meant_ the whole night—their date because it sure as hell felt like one. Or, Shima could take it to mean—

“It was a… great evening.”

That answered that. Aki couldn’t decipher the look Shima gave him in that moment. He wondered what look was on his own face. Did it mirror the one on his twin’s? Were their expressions, like their looks, the same? Did he look as… confused and unsure as Shima did?

He cleared his throat. “Yeah, it was.”

Shima nodded, though there was nothing to respond to. “Well. Sleep well.”

“Thanks. You too. Night.” Aki couldn’t tear his eyes away as Shima climbed the stairs. He kept his gaze glued to the smooth movements until Shima stepped into his room and closed his door.

Aki sat hard on the end of the couch. What the hell did he do with this? Even if neither of them would admit it, they’d just gone on a date.

And amazing, wonderful, heart-aching date.

Heart aching because Aki didn’t want it to end at the door. He didn’t want the fact of what it was to be unspoken.

He wanted the whole thing.

And he’d never have it.

Aki managed to get himself onto his feet and climbed the stairs slowly. He paused outside Shima’s door, and couldn’t stop himself from listening. Nothing came through, though. He laid his palm and rested his forehead on the door briefly, almost as if he could touch Shima through it. He took a shaky breath and continued on to his own room. When he’d closed the door, he leaned back against it, fighting hard with his emotions, doing his damnedest to keep them contained.

He wanted too much with Shima, felt too much for his twin. Aki felt everything he should never feel, wanted everything he should never want and couldn’t have. He needed to hold close those wants and feelings, keep them in, but he was afraid it was a losing battle. He was never the most successful to begin with at holding them in, and his emotions this time were even worse.

As he fought against them, he slid down the door and buried his face in his hands. _Not going to give in. Not this time. Don’t… No, no, no…_

Then he lost the fight and the tears fell.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! A reminder: the characters and world within this story belong to Abe Miyuki-sensei for the manga and Ishihira-sensei for the anime. I do not own anything, nor do I wish to make money off this.
> 
> Also, things are starting to heat up. Pay attention to the new tags, m'kay?

Shima moved his book aside as Aki flopped down onto the couch. His head sat just next to Shima’s leg as he looked up. He wore nothing but shorts and a T-shirt that was currently riding up, to Shima’s annoyance—because he didn’t need to see any more of Aki than he had to, thank you very much. They may be twins but there was still a difference between looking in the mirror and looking at the body he wanted to kiss and touch. Shima peered down at him. “What?”

Aki yawned and picked up his handheld game from the coffee table. “Long day,” he said as he flipped the system on.

“Busy?”

“Yeah,” Aki said, nodding. “There were a few really annoying girls too who would _not_ leave until Haru talked to them personally. I thought Ren was going to kill them.”

Shima chuckled. “It’s a good thing he doesn’t work with the knives.”

“No kidding,” Aki said, grinning up at Shima. “A couple of them asked about you.”

Shima raised his eyebrows. “Me?”

Aki nodded. “Yeah.” He snorted. “‘Where’s the cuter twin?’ and ‘Isn’t your other brother here?’” He glared up at Shima. “You are _not_ the cuter twin.”

Shima blinked down at him for a moment, doing his best to wrestle the ugly green monster in his chest back into place. It would do no good to be jealous over women flirting with his brother. Or, at least, it wouldn’t do any good to let that jealousy out. “Are you really that oblivious?”

Raising an eyebrow, Aki asked, “What?”

“I know you’re not stupid.” Shima shook his head. “They were trying to flirt with _you_.”

Aki scowled. “How is asking for you flirting with me?”

“We’re twins, Aki. If they’re going to call one of us cute, they think both of us are.”

Aki frowned for a moment. “Really?”

Shima rolled his eyes. “I swear, sometimes,” he muttered, shaking his head. “You really _are_ hopeless with women.”

“That makes two of us. What about outright asking for you?”

Shima couldn’t argue that one the same way. Though… “I heard one of the women last weekend asking if we were like Ren and Haru.”

“ _What_?” Aki looked like he was going to explode over that.

“What?” Shima asked, scowling down at Aki to hide the hurt from Aki’s reaction.

“What do you mean ‘like Ren and Haru’?”

“Um… I’d think that’s pretty obvious. What do Ren and Haru do a lot of?”

It was almost funny when Aki got it. His face cleared, his eyes widened, and he stared up at Shima so long, Shima had to fight hard against a blush that wanted to bloom. Because the mental images hit him hard of kissing Aki and holding him—because a hug wouldn’t stop at just a hug. He’d never be able to keep it as such. And if he started to kiss and hold, he’d never _want_ to stop.

Aki blinked at him. “Huh. You really think so? Even though we’re twins?”

“Yeah, at least, that’s what they said. I didn’t hear the rest because I had to go pick up an order.” Shima turned his attention back to his book in an attempt to keep his own emotions off his face. Aki could read him too easily and considering his brother was watching him closely at the moment, there’d be _no_ way to miss some of his feelings. He didn’t know exactly what was on his face, but whatever it was, it wasn’t the normal mostly-expressionless look he usually had. From behind his book, he added, “I did think I caught the word “twincest.” Probably something they’d read in a boy love novel, I’d guess.” He shrugged, but refused to look at Aki when he said it.

To Shima’s surprise, Aki didn’t answer. Shima peered over his book to see Aki had gone back to the game. He didn’t know what to do with Aki’s lack of reaction to the twincest thing. _Probably disgusted._ Shima swallowed at the stab that thought caused in the vicinity of his heart.

He didn’t think it was because they were guys or anything. They’d all long since accepted Haru and Ren’s relationship. No, Shima was pretty sure Aki’s reaction—or lack thereof—was about their own relationship.

Shima tried to let that go and went back to his book. A moment later, however, Aki started moving around, shaking the couch so much that Shima couldn’t read. When he looked down, it was to see Aki moving up and finally settling in with his head… propped on Shima’s leg.

“You know there are cushions for that.”

“You’re more comfortable,” Aki muttered more than said, once more focused on his game.

Shima shook his head and went back to his book, but he couldn’t begin to concentrate on it, with Aki laying against him. This wasn’t new, as he’d pointed out at the movie theater. They sat against each other all the time. But maybe because his feelings for his twin seemed to be getting more and more difficult to ignore, this seemed more noticeable somehow. He gave up trying to read, though he kept his nose buried in the book because he didn’t know what to feel first.

Happiness at Aki touching him? That Aki wanted to? Even if that was fairly normal, knowing his brother _wanted_ to be against him felt good.

Jealous over the women flirting with Aki? He shouldn’t be for a lot of reasons, not the least of which was that they’d _both_ dated, after all, but he couldn’t help it. He wanted Aki for himself, so their flirting was going to bother him.

Or hurt over the fact that Aki didn’t respond at all to the idea of them doing things together. Shima would have given just about anything for a single kiss. Sure they’d hugged over the years and they touched quite a bit—like right then with Aki’s head on his leg.

But that was, by far, not the same thing as what he wanted. Shima wanted it all. He wanted to be able to kiss Aki, touch him, make love to him. He wanted Aki by his side for the rest of their lives. He wanted…

He took a deep breath and tried, again, to read. There was comfort in the feel of Aki against him, even if it was just the minor touch it was. He focused on that, on the things he _could_ have. With that thought in mind, he managed to get his attention back on the words on the page.

 

 

He didn’t notice when Aki fell asleep. It wasn’t until he’d gotten to the end of the chapter that he realized it. Shima put his book aside, then picked up the game system still on Aki’s chest, saved the progress, and set it aside, as well.

Peering down, however, he frowned. Aki’s head was still bent funny and if Shima didn’t do something, Aki was going to be in some serious pain when he woke up. He considered just working his way out from under Aki altogether, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it, couldn’t let go of that bit of touch.

Instead, Shima managed to lean over and get a cushion from the other end of the couch. Carefully shifting Aki, he got it under Aki’s back so at least he was propped a little better. He mumbled something and turned, and Shima held his breath. His brother settled down again right away, though, and Shima slowly let out the breath.

He fought the urge to touch, he really did, but he didn’t often get to be with Aki unguarded like this. Swallowing hard, he brushed lightly at Aki’s messy hair. Sure, it was the same as his own, but it _felt_ different. Like he’d thought before at looking at Aki’s body. It wasn’t the same as touching his own hair. On top of that, there was definitely a psychological element to it, because he was touching the one person he wanted most to touch in the world.

Shima brushed his fingertips over Aki’s cheek, then ran his fingers through Aki’s hair again. _God, I love you_. It was getting harder and harder the more they did together, the more time they spent together to keep his feelings contained. He wanted, so badly, to just walk up to Aki and simply get it out there, kiss him within an inch of his life and let the chips fall where they may.

Except he knew what would happen. If Aki didn’t outright hate him, they’d at least lose the close relationship they had. And as much as he wanted, a little desperately, to have Aki in his arms and in his bed, it wasn’t worth losing his brother altogether over it.

As he watched Aki sleep, he let himself think about their date the week before. He hadn’t exactly meant it to be that. He had made the conscious choice to wear the clothes and shoes he had. He had wanted to look good for Aki. But when he’d made reservations, when he’d chosen his clothes, he hadn’t exactly been thinking _date_. He’d just been thinking about giving Aki a nice evening.

“Surprised” didn’t begin to describe what Shima felt when Aki came down dressed as nicely as he had. The snug jeans hugged his amazing ass—which was, actually, a bit different than his own. Aki was a bit more active than he was and had the muscle tone to show for it. His well-fitting, button-down shirt showed just enough at the open neck to make Shima want to taste his skin and leave a nice series of marks. Then there was the combed hair and the scent of cologne. It took all Shima had to contain his reaction, though he was sure at least a little something came out.

And what was with the once-over Aki had given him?

Whether he’d meant it to be or not, their evening had certainly _felt_ like a date. Even the train ride there, when he’d held Aki and calmed him down. It did good things to Shima to know he could do that, could calm his brother when others couldn’t. Then the walk to the restaurant had put things right back on track to feel like a date. From that point, everything did: from dinner, to how they sat at the theater including his arm around Aki, to the—god help him—cake on the footbridge in the park. The only thing that’d been missing had been a kiss at the end.

He’d listened as Aki walked down the hall to the room next to him. There’d been a pause outside his room and Shima couldn’t figure out what that’d been about. He’d been sitting in the dark on the floor just on the other side, his head back against the door, trying to figure out how to deal with the evening. His chest ached with the want to open that door, pull Aki in. His thoughts kept going back to the footbridge, to holding Aki in the theater, to the smiles and laughter at dinner. In all the dating he had done, _none_ of it had been so… amazing.

The next morning had been a little awkward. He hadn’t slept well the night before, his imagination too vivid with what he’d wanted to do with Aki after the date. Shima did his best to try to just play it off and after the hesitant “good mornings,” they seemed to be okay. Still, Shima was more aware of Aki that day and even beyond into the week. On the train to school, at the cafe after classes. He’d always been able to pick Aki out of a crowd, always knew his voice, and was even somewhat aware of where he was when they were in the same place, even without hearing or seeing his twin. This was even more pronounced, though, and it drove him crazy.  Eventually, he managed to let go of it and they were—mostly—back to having the interactions he expected.

And that was exactly why he couldn’t act on his feelings. When Aki rejected him, their relationship would go beyond damaged. Being together would be way more than awkward. And he couldn’t give up the closeness they _did_ have for the scant possibility of more. He brushed at Aki’s hair again, trying in vain to get the lump in his throat to go away. His chest ached, though, and his stomach was doing some complicated twisting, making the attempt at getting rid of that lump difficult, at best.

He gave in just a little. He bent and buried his face in Aki’s hair, taking a deep inhale of his twin’s scent, then left a light kiss on his temple. “God, I love you,” he whispered, his eyes closing. He let his hand rest on Aki’s arm and after another inhale, sat back up, shifting just enough so he could lay his head back against the couch while not disturbing his brother. He struggled to keep the tears back, refused to give in, and he managed, if only barely.

Shima couldn’t resist wondering what it would be like if Aki returned his feelings. How would it feel to hold Aki in his arms, bury his face in Aki’s neck, kiss his twin’s lips? What would it be like to taste Aki’s skin, touch him everywhere… have the freedom to do so?

Would making love, filling Aki’s body, drive him completely crazy? The thought of Aki’s voice calling Shima’s name through orgasm made his heart pound and cock twitch. How would it feel to wake up every morning with Aki in his arms, and the ability to see that smile, one just for him?

He swallowed again, fighting, once more, the lump in his throat. He’d never know. He’d never get the answers to those questions. Those things weren’t and would never be, for him.

Someone else would taste Aki’s lips. Someone else would hold Aki in the night. Someone else would hear their name in his voice.

Someone else would have him by their side for the rest of their life.

 

 

“Hey Shima, can I ask you a question?”

Shima turned to look at Ren as he crossed the office to stand next to him. _Please don_ _’t be about sex. Please don’t be about sex. Please don’t be about sex._ He was so not in the right frame of mind to deal with Ren’s obsession with learning about all things sex. “What’s that?”

“Do you love Aki?”

Shima was very, very glad he didn’t have a drink right then. He might have spit it all over the computer in front of him. He cleared his throat and thanked every god out there that he didn’t show a lot of emotion. He went with the obvious dodge. “Of course I do, he’s my brother, like you are.”

He gave Ren credit for not rolling his eyes. “That’s not what I mean.” The _duh_ went unspoken, but Shima heard it loud and clear, anyway.

“What makes you ask that?”

“I saw you the other day when you were sitting on the couch.”

 _Well, shit. How the hell did he handle this?_ He didn’t want to lie to Ren. The kid had enough to deal with thanks to Haru’s constant waffling and ups and downs, so understanding romantic love was complicated at best for him, to begin with. At the same time, Shima had no idea how much he should—or could—say. He certainly couldn’t just play that behavior off. If Ren saw him kissing Aki’s temple, there was no way to call that brotherly love. He sighed. “Close the door?”

Ren did as he asked, then came back over, hopping up onto the counter. “So?”

Shima frowned as he considered his younger brother. “It’s not that simple.”

“What’s not simple about it?” Ren truly looked confused and Shima had to give him that.

“We’re brothers.”

“So are Haru and me.”

Shima was sorely tempted to bang his head on the desk. “Aki and I are blood brothers, Ren. Twins, in fact.”

“I know that. Why does that matter?”

Shima bought himself a moment by taking his glasses off and cleaning them. “There’s a difference in society between step-brothers or adopted brothers—which is still a problem for some people—and blood relatives.” He pushed his glasses back onto his face and looked up. “We’re not supposed to love blood relatives that way.”

“But… you’re both guys. Why does it matter?”

He had a point there, which was one of the things that always frustrated Shima. If they’d been opposite genders, it would have made more sense, especially if those siblings wanted to have children. But with same-sex siblings it _didn_ _’t_ make any sense to Shima. “This is an annoying answer, but the truth of it is, it just does matter.”

Ren apparently let that go. “You still didn’t answer my question.”

Shima stared at him for a long time, then sighed. He really couldn’t lie. “Yes, I do love him.”

“Like I like Haru?”

He couldn’t quite look at Ren when he answered. “Yeah. I’m in love with him.” He took a breath that wasn’t nearly deep enough.

“Does he know?”

Shima shook his head. “No, and I can’t tell him.”

“Why?”

“He wouldn’t want it, Ren. He… if he finds out, he might very well hate me.”

“He wouldn’t.” Ren sounded almost earnest, surprising Shima, since Ren was more expressionless than even he was. “He’d never hate you.”

In that moment, Shima wanted to believe that with every fiber of his being, but he knew better. He shook his head. “I don’t agree, but… Anyway, you can’t tell anyone else, either, even Haru.”

“Haru will figure it out eventually.”

Shima chuckled. “I love our older brother, but he is so oblivious about that stuff, it isn’t funny.”

“That much is true.” Shima winced at the tone in Ren’s voice.

“I’m so—”

“It’s okay.” Ren didn’t speak for so long after that, Shima was forced to finally look back up at him. “It’s dumb people would have a problem with it, but I won’t tell anyone.” He jumped down. “I don’t think Aki would react like that, though.” And with that, Ren left the office.

Shima stared after him a long time. As much as he wanted to believe Ren, he couldn’t. Ren _couldn_ _’t_ be right.

Believing that Aki wouldn’t hate him would only give him false hope and lead to a world of hurt… far worse than anything he was dealing with already.

 

Shima finished arranging his clothes in the washer, dumped in the detergent, and closed the lid. He set the temperature, load size, and time, then hit start. The dryer was still running and he frowned at it, but he’d just have to poke Aki to get his stuff out soon, so Shima could dry his own clothes. As he turned to go back up to his room, a bit of color caught his eye.

He leaned forward and saw a T-shirt had slipped between the washer and the wall. When he fished it out, he sighed when he realized it was Aki’s. He shook his head and sniffed it to see if it was clean or dirty.

The scent of his twin brother hit him hard. His cock when erect damned near instantly and he almost swayed with the punch of arousal. He leaned on the washer briefly to get his control before he did something seriously embarrassing right there in the laundry room. Keeping the T-shirt _far_ away from his nose, he took a deep breath, then another, and finally managed to calm down a bit.

Shima stood there for a long moment while he gathered his wits again. The images in his head of smelling that directly from the source, his face in Aki’s neck, kissing, biting… was making it very difficult to think clearly. Finally, he was able to stand up and actually do something other than fantasize about his brother’s body.

He lifted the lid, intending to put the T-shirt in with his own wash, but he hesitated. He couldn’t believe what he was thinking about doing, but the temptation was too great. Wadding the T-shirt into a small ball, he closed the washer lid then peered around the doorway. The shirt was obviously Aki’s, so there was no way for him to explain why he’d have it. Thankfully, no one was in the living room. Doing his best to not look conspicuous, he hurried up to his room and shut the door behind him, leaning back against it.

His heart was pounding. He was being ridiculous. This might just make him a candidate for true pervertedness, but he just couldn’t pass up the opportunity. He flipped the lock on his door, then flicked open the button on his pants and had his cock in his hand seconds later. Then, he buried his nose in the T-shirt again and inhaled deeply.

 _Oh fuck_. Aki’s scent made the arousal hit again, just as hard as before, and his cock—still erect from the laundry room—twitched, leaking precum. Shima didn’t let himself think about it, he simply started moving his hand over the length, slowly at first. He gathered the precum, spreading it over the tip as he stroked himself.

Footsteps sounded in the hallway, making Shima pause. He listened carefully, but they passed by without stopping. Breathing a small sigh of relief, he got himself away from the door and moved over to his bed. He opened the drawer of his bedside table and took out the small bottle of lotion he kept there for that precise reason, then pulled his pants down over his ass for better access to his cock. Finally, he settled back on his bed, a dab of lotion in hand and his nose once more buried in Aki’s scent-filled T-shirt.

He wrapped his lotion-covered hand back around his cock and couldn’t completely stifle the moan at the feel of it. Closing his eyes, he brought the image of Aki’s naked body into his mind. He’d caught the sight a couple of times when Aki had forgotten to lock the bathroom door and had left it open slightly. Shima had started to walk in when he saw Aki in the shower and the sound of the water registered.

He wasn’t even remotely ashamed to admit he’d taken a few seconds to get an eyeful before he left. Now, he firmly put that image in his head of the water running over his brother’s body and started stroking himself. He went slowly though, wanting to stretch it out, make it last. The smell in the T-shirt certainly wouldn’t, so he wanted to make the most of this.

“Aki,” he whispered into the shirt, his hips moving a little as he thrust into his hand. The lotion made his hand slide damned near perfectly over his cock. As the pleasure grew, he imagined pushing into Aki’s body, his twin’s ass tight around his cock. The mental image made him groan—probably too loudly—but he couldn’t help it.

His hips moved faster, without his permission. He matched the pace with his hand as he stroked his cock and imagined thrusting into Aki. In his fantasy, Aki arched his back in pleasure, and the vision was almost too much. Shima gripped his cock hard, pinching it at the base to stave off the orgasm. He wasn’t ready, didn’t want to come yet. He didn’t get a lot of chance to do this without one of his brothers walking in. But Ren and Haru were out and Aki was studying in his own room, or was the last time Shima checked.

So, he let his hand start moving again and as soon as he did, Shima knew the too-short break wasn’t going to be enough. He groaned as the pleasure picked up where it’d left off, his balls already drawing up. The orgasm screamed up on him and he couldn’t quite stop the groaned, “Oh _god_.” Still, he managed to hold off just a little longer, savoring it a little more before he lost it. The pleasure hit, his vision went white, and he let out a muffled, “ _Aki_!” into the shirt. He stroked his cock through the orgasm, stretching the pleasure out as much as he could. Cum covered his T-shirt and hand, then finally the orgasm faded.

He lay there for a long moment, his breath coming in gasps, his heart pounding. That had been one of the most intense orgasms he’d ever had.

And yet… all he could think about was how… empty it’d been. He wiped his hand on his own T-shirt, pulled it off and tossed it aside, then rolled onto his side and curled up. He wrapped his arms around the T-shirt, holding his twin’s scent close to him, wishing with everything in him it was his brother’s body, not just a tiny ball of fabric.

His heart pounded, his chest ached, and a new lump formed in his throat. Before he could even fight them, tears leaked and he squeezed his eyes shut, trying to deny their existence. If he could, if he could convince himself they weren’t there, he could pretend his chest didn’t hurt and his heart didn’t feel like it was going to… explode or shatter or just _die_.

This was getting ridiculous. If he didn’t find a way to put these feelings for his twin brother away, it was going to break him. How much longer could he do this? How much longer could he ache for Aki before it just tore him apart?

He buried his face in the T-shirt once more and pushed those questions away. Somehow, the ache and longing seemed better than losing this love for his brother altogether. He just couldn’t let it go. Something deep inside him whispered to him that he couldn’t, that this part of him would always be there. He just hoped it wouldn’t eventually ruin what he _did_ still have with his brother.

Because he wasn’t sure he could survive losing Aki altogether.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two notes:
> 
> 1) Kiyoka appears in this chapter and I chose the feminine pronouns. I was a bit unsure, since she *does* make it clear that there's a guy under the clothes, but then says "she" most often. As such, I went with female pronouns.
> 
> 2) I apologize for how long this chapter has taken me. Health and the paid stuff had to take priority for a while. That said, the next chapter is already started, so I hope to have it soon (read: I won't leave you hanging for too long. ;) ).

“So, where’s the cuter twin?”

Aki set the coffee pot down and leaned against the counter. Shima’s words came back to him from the few days before. _They_ _’re flirting with you._ He decided to try to play along and pulled out his most charming grin. “I _am_ the cuter twin,” he said, winking.

The customer—a young woman with deep brown eyes, light hair, and a pretty smile—giggled. “You are, are you?”

“No, he’s not,” Shima said as he passed.

She laughed again.

“Hey! I am too,” Aki said, chuckling. He shook his head as he watched Shima walk away, unable to keep his eyes off Shima’s very nice ass. Finally he was able to turn his attention back to the customer.

She was looking at him with an amused smile on her face. “So, it’s true then?”

Aki blinked. “Is what true?”

“That the Kaido brothers are all like that.”

Aki raised an eyebrow. “Like what?” He felt like he was about two steps behind in the conversation.

“In love, silly!” She giggled again.

There was no way for Aki to stop the blush, no matter how hard he tried. “Of course not,” he said, but his voice lacked any sort of conviction, despite his attempts to the contrary.

“Uh huh.”

He did his best to recover and tried to grin again. “Now, why would I want any of my brothers if there are pretty girls like you?”

She shook her head, giggling again. “Uh huh. Nice try. You know, if you and your twin kissed as much as Ren and Haru did, you’d make a _ton_ of tips.”

Aki didn’t quite know what to say to that. When Shima had mentioned the “twincest” thing the few days before, Aki hadn’t known how to take it. _He_ was certainly not opposed to something like that, by any stretch of the imagination. But despite normally being able to read his brother, he hadn’t been able to figure out where Shima stood on that. And the lack of reaction had both hurt and irritated him. He was confused enough about his twin brother, so to not have an outright _no_ in some way was frustrating. Of course, not having an outright _yes_ had hurt. He pushed the thought off and managed to smile again. “I think you’ve been reading too many boy love novels,” he said, then winked again to show he was teasing.

Thankfully, she just smiled. “Uh huh.” She made a come here gesture and Aki leaned a little closer. “I’ve seen the way you look at him,” she whispered.

Aki raised his eyebrows. “Looked at him? Him who?”

She rolled her eyes. “Your twin brother.” She tilted her head in the direction Shima had gone. “Based on your reaction, though, I’m thinking he doesn’t know, am I right?”

“Uh…” Aki, at a loss, fumbled his reply horribly. “There’s nothing to know,” he said, chuckling and scratching the back of his head as he stood back up.

Her amused expression didn’t help Aki’s mood. “Of course not. Do you have a girlfriend?”

“No, in fact I am currently unattached,” Aki said, managing to put a pout to it. He leaned closer once again. “Would you like to go out with me?” He waggled his eyebrows.

“Aw, that’s not very nice to your brother!” She smiled again. “So, no girlfriend, right? Why not?”

Aki was trying very hard to not get irritated. It wasn’t like he could date his brother, even _if_ Shima returned his feelings, which, of course, he didn’t. And the reason he didn’t have a new girlfriend was quite obvious in his head—no one measured up to Shima—and he couldn’t bring himself to fake it right now. He certainly couldn’t say any of that, though. Since he didn’t know exactly what to say, all that came out was, “I told you, it’s not like that,” much ruder than he meant for it to. He blushed. “Err, I’m sorry. But… it isn’t.”

“Right. Sure.” She giggled again as she pulled money out of her purse and laid it next to the check, then leaned in toward him once more. “Seriously. Tell him.” With a wave, she hopped off the stool and left.

Aki picked up the money and went to take care of the check. “Crazy women,” he muttered. But no matter what he did, he couldn’t get her words out of his head the rest of the day.

 

He was starting to get annoyed—irritated, frustrated, angry, he couldn’t come up with a sufficiently extreme descriptor. It all applied in more ways than one: at himself, the world, his _life_. It seemed to him that his feelings for Shima were getting more and more prominent in his head and heart lately. He used to be able to ignore it a lot better, put his emotions—at least as far as Shima was concerned—aside and worry about the other parts of life, like school, working, the rest of the family, for fuck’s sake.

But lately, just looking at Shima has made things more difficult for him. Like watching him walk around the cafe. Aki’s attention was constantly getting stuck on Shima’s ass or the smooth way he walked or the rare smiles he gave. All of which twisted Aki’s insides up. He’d spent most of his time lately either aroused, frustrated, or aching.

The most prominent was aching, though. It was getting harder and harder to keep from wanting more than he should with his twin. He made up excuses to touch—like the time he’d been laying on the couch and used Shima to prop his head up. His neck had hurt for a while, but he wasn’t going to turn down a chance to touch.

Aki sighed and tilted his face up to the water. He wished the hot water could wash the ache in his chest away, but it didn’t work that way, as much as he wanted it to. If he couldn’t deal with the ache, he could, at least, take care of something else.

He grabbed the conditioner bottle and poured some into his hand. Shifting so he wasn’t in the direct line of water, he coated two fingers, then wrapped his hand with the rest of the conditioner around his cock. He sucked in a breath because it felt _way_ too good. It’d obviously been too long since he’d relieved his frustrations this way.

With the two coated fingers, he reached back to tease his ass. He pushed the first finger inside, moaning softly at the feel. With his other hand, he started stroking his cock, his eyes sliding closed with the pleasure. He thought about the train trip where he’d been stuck against Shima, his brother’s cock nestled between his ass cheeks. He imagined what it would be like if, instead of his fingers, he had Shima’s length filling him, sliding slowly into him.

He dropped his head forward, his hand moving a little faster as the fantasy took form. The image surfaced of Shima’s face filled with pleasure from being inside Aki’s body, and he focused his fantasy on it. He moved his fingers a little more, speeding up his hand as it moved over his length at the same time. The sounds came out even louder, moans of pleasure filling the shower.

Aki bit his lip to hold them in. He really did _not_ want anyone walking in in that moment. The water would help mask some noise, but not all of it.

Focusing on the pleasure, he added sounds to his fantasy. He’d heard Shima masturbate a few times—there were advantages to having a room next to him—the last one fairly recently. He was so messed up over his brother, he’d even imagined Shima calling _his_ name through orgasm. It helped him now, though, as he brought that to mind and he fucked himself with his fingers faster, his hand matching the pace he set with his fingers.

Pleasure spiked, making him grit his teeth to hold in his moans. The fantasy pulled him along, his orgasm screaming up on him fast. As much as he wanted to draw it out, he couldn’t stay in the shower too long, so he let himself go, chase the pleasure. In his mind’s eye, Shima threw his head back and groaned Aki’s name.

That was all it took. Imagined or not, the thought of doing that for Shima had his balls drawing up. A few strokes later, he went over the edge. The orgasm hit, the pleasure _huge_ , stealing his sanity. He painted the tile in his cum, and a grunted “Fuck Shima” slipped out. He kept moving his hand to draw out his pleasure and make it last as long as he could.

Finally, he slumped forward. He panted hard, trying to remember how to breathe, but oxygen seemed rather elusive at that moment. He pulled his fingers out of his ass and turned to lean back against the shower tiles. Closing his eyes, he rested his head against the wall.

He swallowed hard as a lump formed in his throat. Struggling with his emotions, he swore he wasn’t going to give into them this time. He took harsh breaths, determined to fight it.

Was this all he’d ever have? If he couldn’t have his brother, would he ever be able to touch another person, instead? Hold them? Feel them? Fall in love? _Make_ love?

But the thought of doing something with anyone other than Shima went beyond not sitting right. He was caught between being sick and wanting to punch something. He had exactly zero interest in another person, male or female. It was why he sucked so badly with women—he didn’t want them.

At the same time, how long could he go on imaging what Shima felt like, looked like in pleasure, sounded like while calling Aki’s name through orgasm? He’d never know any of those, never be able to feel and hear them for himself. How much could he live with just his imagination and his hand?

He banged his head back against the wall, though it didn’t do any good. Because he didn’t know how he’d ever be able to give any of this up, either. If this was all he’d ever have of Shima, he couldn’t see himself ever letting it go. He truly didn’t think he could force himself to be with someone else, just to forget Shima, especially because, as brothers, they’d be seeing each other for the rest of his life. How would he explain to Haru and Ren why he didn’t want to see their other brother? How would he explain to _Shima_? So that wasn’t an option, he’d always be seeing Shima. And every time he saw his twin brother, he’d feel how wrong it was being with someone else—both to the person he’d be with as well as Shima. Would he even be able to have sex without imagining his brother in their place?

Aki turned and adjusted the water temperature to make it a bit hotter. He swallowed again around the lump in his throat and lifted his face to let the shower water fall over it.

Because then he could tell himself the only water on his face was from the shower.

 

Aki slid onto the stool and slumped down at the bar. He sighed and rubbed his face hard. This wasn’t the best idea, but he needed to stop thinking for a while and it was all he could come up with. Nothing had worked recently, not his video games, not television, not reading, _nothing_.

“You look like you need this.”

Aki dropped his hands to see a shot glass with dark brown liquid in it in front of him. He lifted it and sniffed. The strong scent just about knocked him off the stool. “What is it?” He looked up at the bartender with raised eyebrows.

“Whiskey.”

“Don’t give him that!” Kiyoka said, sliding onto the stool next to Aki.

“Why not?” Aki asked, glaring at her. “I’m of age.”

Kiyoka frowned. “Oh. Yeah. I forgot.” She waved. “Carry on.”

Aki shook his head and lifted the glass to his lips. He took one sip and started coughing. “Holy shit.” He coughed again, but then took a breath and downed the rest.

Kiyoka started laughing.

Aki glared at her, then looked up at the bartender. “Another, please.”

“You’ll regret that,” Kiyoka said, chuckling as the bartender picked up the bottle and poured a second.

With another breath, Aki downed the second shot. He coughed again, but not as badly that time. “Doubtful.”

“You’ll be lucky if you don’t pass out. You’re not used to drinking, are you?”

Aki shrugged a shoulder. “No. But passing out wouldn’t be a bad thing.”

Kiyoka raised a single delicate eyebrow. “And why would that be?”

“I might be able to stop thinking for a while,” he muttered. He looked up at the bartender, who shook his head, but poured another shot.

Aki didn’t drink right away, though. He frowned down into the liquid, realizing he was already feeling slightly fuzzy. _Isn_ _’t that good though? Don’t want to think…_ On the other hand, if he got drunk too quickly, he’d pass out too quickly and then wake back up too fast. He set the glass down and sighed.

“Why do you want to stop thinking?” Kiyoka asked.

Aki glanced up at the bartender, who seemed to realize Aki didn’t want to speak in front of him. When he stepped away, Aki sighed again. “I… There’s someone I like, but they don’t like me and I’m trying to figure out how to let them go.”

“Ah.” Kiyoka nodded. “That’s a dilemma. I’ve certainly been there. Want to tell me who?”

Aki puzzled over the “been there” part a moment, then remembered she’d once confessed to Haru. He shook his head. “Not a good idea.”

Kiyoka raised an eyebrow. “Why?”

“It’s…” Aki blew out a breath. Considering the way Kiyoka had reacted the first time she saw Haru and Ren, Aki had _no_ doubt she’d freak out if he told her the guy he was in love with was Shima. “It’s a guy,” he settled on before drinking the shot.

“Um… so?”

Aki paused. He’d actually forgotten Kiyoka was really a guy under those clothes and moreover a guy who’d confessed to Haru once upon a time. Still… “So… he wouldn’t want me to tell him. First…” _First, it_ _’s my twin brother_. “He’s only ever dated girls. I don’t think he, uh, goes that way.”

“You’ve only ever dated girls,” Kiyoka pointed out. “Maybe he thinks the same about you.”

“Doubtful.” Aki scowled. “And yeah, I’ve dated girls, but that was just—” _Just because I didn_ _’t want to think too hard about Shima._

“Don’t you think it’s possible he’s just never found a guy he’s interested in? That maybe he’s bi?”

“Not likely.” Aki shook his head and downed the third shot. “Doesn’t matter. That’s not the only problem between us.” He set the glass down. “That stuff is good. But I’m not nearly drunk enough.”

Kiyoka laughed. “Give it a bit.”

Aki didn’t say anything for a long moment. He focused his gaze on the counter below him, trying to think of something _other_ than Shima, his feelings for his twin, or the pile of memories that kept prodding him.

Like the date they’d gone on. Neither of them would admit that’s what it’d been, but Aki would never, in his life, forget the feeling of Shima’s arm around him in the movie theater. Or the feel of those lips wrapped around his fingers on the bridge in the park. Or the look on Shima’s face at the end, when they’d talked about how good the night had been.

Then there was the dream Aki had had. It’d been so damned vivid, of Shima playing with his hair, kissing him, and saying “I love you.” It’d felt so fucking _real_ and he’d been so disappointed when he woke up. Annoyed with himself, he looked for the bartender again and when he caught the guy’s attention, pointed at his glass again.

“You’ll be lucky to get back into the house at the rate you’re going.” Kiyoka’s amused voice did not help Aki’s mood.

“I can get to the couch,” he said, though he didn’t sound very convincing.

“Of course you can.”

Aki appreciated Kiyoka playing along, at least.

“So. Who is it?”

Aki ignored her for a moment while the bartender poured; then he downed the next shot of whiskey. It’d be a _really bad idea_ to tell her. And he wasn’t nearly drunk enough to deal with her reaction. He shook his head again.

“I’ll bet I can guess.” Kiyoka tapped a manicured nail against her painted lips. “Does little Ren have more than one admirer?”

Aki scowled. “I’m not into kids.”

“He’s not a little kid anymore. Don’t you remind Haru of that?”

“I’m trying to get Haru to stop tormenting Ren,” Aki said, scowl deepening. “Seriously, _not_ interested in him.”

“Hmmmm. Not Ren. Haru?”

Aki rolled his eyes. “Ugh. No. And why does everyone think we’re all in love with our brothers?” He shook his head again. His face was started to feel warm and the fuzziness was getting worse. He wondered how many more shots it would take to truly pass out. Maybe it’d be enough to knock him out for the night. He signaled the bartender again, who glanced at Kiyoka with a raised eyebrow. She nodded and he poured another. Aki wanted to be annoyed at him waiting for her permission, but couldn’t really summon the emotion to do so.

Kiyoka raised her eyebrows. “Someone else say this?”

“The customers have been making not-so-veiled comments.” Aki buried his face in his hands, trying not to tell Kiyoka to leave him alone. He’d come here to _stop_ thinking, stop fantasizing about his brother, stop feeling for just a little while. He certainly didn’t want to talk more about it. His fuzziness was getting worse and he was hopeful the alcohol would take over completely soon. “Doesn’t matter. Even if he knows, it’s not like anything’ll happen. Can’t.” He downed the next shot and swayed a bit on the stool.

“Well, looks like the whiskey finally hit,” Kiyoka said, chuckling. “So, why can’t it?”

“Because we’re twins.” Aki scowled at the shot glass, trying to remember when he drank it. He didn’t remember taking that shot.

“You… _what?!_ ”

Aki winced at the shriek in his ear. “Ow. What was that for?” He looked up at Kiyoka but she seemed to have turned into two people. “Oh huh. Two of you?”

The twin Kiyokas tilted their heads. “Your _twin brother?_ ”

“What?” He tried to focus on her again, not sure how a second one appeared. “Do you have a twin too? I don’t remember hearing about that. Both of you cross dress? Wow, that’s—”

The Kiyokas started laughing.

Aki’s irritation took over. “Why are you two laughing?”

This only seemed to make the Kiyokas laugh harder. She bent over, holding her stomach. Aki tilted his head, but the world tilted at the same time. “Whoa.” He gripped the bar hard and looked up for the bartender. “C-c-can I h-have an-nother?”

This sent the Kiyokas into even more laughter. They waved at the bartender, who moved down the bar. Aki scowled after him, but when he tried to raise his hand to get the bartender’s attention, he got distracted by it. He glared at his hand for a moment. “Really tired of _you_ being my lover,” he mumbled. “Wish I didn’t love my damned brother.” He dropped his forehead onto the bar.

One of the Kiyokas tsked. “I don’t get it, but I guess that’s just how it is. You can’t control you who love.” One of them poked him. “And Aki, darlin’, I think it’s time you go back.”

“Not drunk ‘nough.” He rolled his head to the side so he could look at them.

“Too drunk.” The Kiyokas snickered. “You are in for a _world_ of hurt tomorrow.” They shook their heads, then patted him on the shoulder, which felt weird. Even though there were two of them, he only felt one hand. He tried to focus on them to figure out which one was patting him, but he couldn’t figure it out and gave up. He tried to sit up but the bar tilted on its axis, sending him off-balance. One of the Kiyokas steadied him and to save himself from falling off the world, he put his head back down. “Stay put.” One of the Kiyokas waved at the bartender again. When he came over, she leaned forward. Aki couldn’t hear what she said, and couldn’t summon the will to care.

He closed his eyes, but as soon as he did, the image of Shima’s face floated behind his eyelids. “Not s’possed to see you. S’why I got drunk,” he muttered.

“Who’s he not supposed to see?” Shima’s voice asked from somewhere behind him.

“Fuckin’ ‘lluci—hallu—dreamin’ again. Gotta stop doin’ that.”

“No idea,” Kiyoka’s voice answered. “Do you have Ringl, Eve, or Tylenol?”

“Yeah,” Shima’s voice answered.

“He needs some. And water. Or he’s going to be in serious pain tomorrow. He had way too much whiskey.”

“Thanks. I got him from here,” Shima said.

Aki looked up, trying to peer through the haze at the person wrapping an arm around him. It looked an awful lot like… “Shima? Nope. Can’t be. ‘Sokay. I got this,” Aki said, sliding off the stool.

However, if it wasn’t for the arm around him, he’d have ended up a pile on the floor. The man hoisted him a little higher and steadied him. “Wait. Gotta pay.” Aki shoved his hand in his pocket but couldn’t seem to pull the wad of yen out.

“Don’t worry about it. You can pay me back,” Kiyoka’s voice said.

“How’m I gonna pay back a voice?” Aki asked.

The Kiyoka voice laughed. The person holding Aki up chuckled and pulled on him. “Come on. I can’t carry you myself. You have to walk at least a little.”

Aki had no idea for sure how he made the trip. He didn’t remember a single step between the bar and his bed. He only realized where he was when he flopped onto the mattress.

“What the hell did he do?” That sounded like Haru’s voice, but when Aki peered up into the gloom, he couldn’t see anything.

“Apparently got drunk,” Shima’s voice said. “Kiyoka said it was whiskey.”

“Well. He didn’t go easy for his first time, did he?” Haru’s voice asked.

“Would you expect him to?”

“True, no. How many?” That was Haru’s voice again.

“I didn’t ask. Too many.” Shima’s voice tsked again. “He needs water. And the Tylenol,” Shima said and footsteps retreated. Then a pair of hands started pulling on Aki’s jeans. Aki swatted at them, but they didn’t stop. “You don’t need to sleep in them. Stop that.”

“Don’ wanna,” Aki grumbled. “Lemme ‘lone.”

Unfortunately, whoever was working on Aki’s jeans was steadier and stronger than he was. He wished he could stop hallucinating Shima’s voice, though. He was going to embarrass himself in front of the person helping him if he didn’t.

Luckily, they finished pulling off his jeans and T-shirt quickly before his body could react to the voice, then manhandled him under the blanket. A moment later, footsteps sounded again, then a hand held a glass of water in front of him. “Drink,” Shima’s voice said.

Aki couldn’t seem to muster the will to fight his hallucination. He took the glass, but splashed some onto himself.

“Geez. Wait, here, take these first.” The hand held out a couple of pills. Something told Aki he shouldn’t take pills from a hallucination, but he couldn’t hold onto that thought. He took them and put them in his mouth, then drank as the glass was held to his lips. He managed, this time, to not dribble it down his front. The annoying hallucination kept prodding him until he finished the whole glass, but finally he did it. A hand patted his shoulder, footsteps retreated and he thought he heard Haru’s and Shima’s voices again, but he couldn’t make it out because the alcohol finally got to him and he passed out.

 

 

Aki stepped off the train, breathing a sigh of relief. He was seriously tired of getting groped, especially by strange old men. If was going to be groped, he’d rather it was by someone who looked exactly like him. It’d annoyed him to no end that the extra work he’d had to do for his professor had meant he’d been stuck coming home during rush hour and, thus, being on the overcrowded train.

Shaking his head at himself, he focused on getting out of the station. He was distracted as he walked by the now-perpetual thoughts of Shima, only registering the clouds overhead when he stepped into the park. Looking up, he frowned at the sky, but figured he had enough time yet before he got home, so he left his umbrella in his bag.

It seemed like it took forever for him to get to the gate to their house. He paid no attention to the path to the front door, nor to the door itself. He just wanted to get his shoes off and flop onto the couch—hopefully next to Shima—and play his game a little before they had dinner and he had to do his homework.

He yawned as he closed the door behind him, then shook his head hard. It wasn’t until he looked down in the genkan and saw a pair of shoes he didn’t recognize that he actually paid attention to his surroundings. He puzzled over the shoes—they were women’s—before he looked up.

And stopped dead.

He couldn’t see all of the living room from the genkan, but he could see enough. He knew his brother, could pick Shima out of a crowd from fifty meters away. And he most _certainly_ recognized the sock-covered feet on the floor in front of the couch.

What he _didn_ _’t_ recognize was the pair of sock-covered feet on either side of Shima’s legs. The smaller, very _feminine_ sock-covered feet.

Aki’s heart stopped. He forgot how to breathe for a moment. His stomach twisted and his vision went fuzzy.

He barely registered the book bags on the floor next to the table or the books open and papers and spread across the surface. _Tutoring session_. Aki vaguely remembered Shima mentioning something about it.

But he couldn’t seem to wrap his head around that concept or make it stick. All he could seem to focus on was the very intimate position his brother was in with a woman. The brother he was in love with.

His bag fell from numbed fingers and without thinking about it, he turned on his heel and bolted from the house. He crashed through the front gate, then ran down the street without looking back. He _couldn_ _’t_ see Shima run out with the girl next to him. There was just _no way_ he could look at the person his brother wanted.

Because it wasn’t him.

Aki only gathered his wits enough to make sure he didn’t get hit crossing the street. He dodged cars and bicycles, wove between people on the sidewalk, then darted into the park. He didn’t even think, wasn’t conscious of where he was going, exactly, just moved on autopilot.

Just as he slipped between two bushes in an out of the way corner of the park, the sky opened up. Aki ignored it, dropping to sit in the center of the tiny clearing he and Shima had discovered years ago when they needed to be alone together. The rain fell hard, soaking the grass around Aki, but he didn’t give even the tiniest damn that he was going to get soaked and possibly sick. He just couldn’t care.

He didn’t know why he reacted the way he did, why it’d hit him so hard. It was true, his feelings for Shima were so much closer to the surface recently, but it wasn’t like they hadn’t dated women on and off for years. Aki had had as many girlfriends as Shima had. He had _no right_ to get upset over Shima having a girlfriend, or even being intimate with her.

There was no reason Shima couldn’t get a girlfriend. There was nothing holding his brother back from spending time with her—even in the living room—when they were together. Shima had every right to be with her.

He kept repeating that to himself. _Shima has every right. I have no right to get upset_ _…_

But it _hurt_. He couldn’t breathe. His chest ached. He briefly wondered if a knife between the ribs would hurt less. He squeezed his eyes shut, grateful for the rain washing his face. Images of their date and of the memory of Shima’s arm around him, hit him hard.

Apparently, that had all been in his head. _He_ _’d_ been the only one who’d felt like that. He felt so _stupid_. He knew better, knew that someday Shima would find someone. Someday his brother would do things with her, be intimate with her.

Make love to her.

Aki dropped his forehead to his knees, resting his head on them. The rain soaked through his shirt and jeans, but Aki paid no mind to it. He welcomed it, letting it pour over him, hoping it would wash this hopeless love for his brother away.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this update took longer than I'd hoped. Thank you for your patience!
> 
> Yet again, characters, world, etc. belong to Abe-sensei. I'm just borrowing it and have no intention of ever making money off it.
> 
> I considered updating the tags, but I think "explicit sex" covers anything I might include. We already know it's incest, I don't write rape, and the only other thing I'd write (BDSM) isn't in this story, so. I should also point out something, here. I don't write yaoi. I write gay romance. That means you won't see a lot of the typical yaoi conventions in my sex. There's no "no no! stop!" that really means "yes." No one is forced. Consent and at least a nod to safe sex is important to me. Also lube. Dry anal makes me curl into a little ball and cry. Just sayin'.

It took all Shima had to wrestle her off him. “God _dammit_ , Higurashi-san!” He unceremoniously dumped her onto her butt, then managed to get to his feet. He glared at the woman still sitting on the floor as he dragged his arm across his face to wipe off her kiss.

“What, Shima-kun? Why?” She blinked up at him, looking more than a little confused.

Shima blinked at her. “What part of “no” don’t you understand? I said no. I don’t want to kiss you. I don’t want to have sex with you. I don’t want to do anything like that with you. We’re not even _dating_ , for fuck’s sake.”

“But… we don’t have to date for that, right?”

“I do.” Shima closed his eyes and took a breath. “You know, it doesn’t matter. I’m not doing this, not now. You need to get your stuff and get _out_.” By the time he was done, he was shouting louder than Aki ever did. He couldn’t help it, though. He certainly didn’t like being forced, but the look on Aki’s face before he bolted was a thousand times worse. He looked like he’d been shot. Shima had promised Aki he wouldn’t do something like that and while it wasn’t exactly the same as what had happened with the girl before, it was too damned similar. So Shima could understand all too well why Aki would have reacted. He would have expected more shouting, rather than that look and Shima wasn’t sure why Aki had looked like _that_ , but it didn’t matter.

That look hit Shima like a punch to the gut. It took his normally-calm emotions and threw them into a whirlwind. He was caught between his insides twisting up in fear and hurt and pure _fury_ at the girl still on the floor.

Haru stepped into the room from the direction of the cafe. “What’s up? What’s with all the shouting?”

“I… I have to go get Aki. Can you make sure she leaves?” Shima glared as he pointed at Higurashi.

Haru blinked down at her, then looked up at Shima. He wasn’t sure what Haru saw on his face, but without hesitation or question, Haru nodded once. “Go.”

Shima didn’t wait another second. He wasn’t sure if he touched the floor between his spot by the couch and the genkan. It took every ounce of patience he possessed to stop long enough to actually make sure his shoes were on right, but he did it. He also managed to grab an umbrella before running out the door.

He prayed to every deity in existence that Aki would go where Shima expected him to. Even nearly running, it was taking way too long. He had to wait for traffic to clear before he could cross the street. Then there were too many umbrellas on the sidewalk and he had to try to dodge those. Finally, the path was clear and he could make it into the park.

He’d never been so annoyed with the curving paths of the park. The delay of going around the fences—just a little too high and sharp to jump—was pissing him off. Just one more curve, though, and Shima pushed between the bushes and was standing next to his brother.

Shima squatted next to Aki, taking in the bowed back and shaking shoulders and tried to figure out where to begin. “It wasn’t what—” Shima shook his head. Too damned cliché. “I didn’t want that,” he said instead. “I didn’t kiss her.”

“Bullshit,” Aki said, voice muffled by his arms.

“I didn’t. She kissed _me. She_ pushed _me_ down.” He reached out with one hand but before he could touch Aki’s shoulder, Aki slapped the hand away.

“Don’t. Just…” He shook his head. “I don’t… I shouldn’t give a fuck.”

Shima swallowed, not sure how to take that. The wind kicked up then and despite the bushes and trees, the rain blew sideways for a moment. “Come on, we can talk at home out of the rain.”

“I don’t care.”

“You’ll care when you’re sick.” This time he grabbed Aki’s arm before his brother could fight it. “Let’s go.”

Aki glared up at him then and Shima was taken aback at the pain in Aki’s face. Despite the rain, Shima could clearly make out tear tracks among the raindrops. _What the hell?_

Shima stared for a moment at the expression, trying to wrap his head around why this reaction from his brother was _so_ strong. Like the comment before about how Aki _shouldn_ _’t_ give a fuck, he didn’t know what to do with this. Taking a breath, Shima pushed the thoughts down firmly. He didn’t know exactly how to read this and they had bigger things to focus on right then, anyway.

“Please?” Shima said, softly.

It took another moment, but finally Aki stood up. He was soaked all the way through. Shima, in fact, was wet too, but he didn’t pay attention to that. He was worried first about getting Aki home.

They stepped out of their clearing and back onto the path. Shima tried to figure out how to begin. “I didn’t—”

“You said we’d talk at home,” Aki reminded him.

That surprised Shima. Aki had never shied away from a fight, never been one to delay it, either. He didn’t know what to do with it, though, so he kept his silence as they walked.

Awkward didn’t begin to describe their walk home. Neither spoke at all, and as they walked, worry, fear, and doubt piled together in Shima’s head. Aki’s reaction, even with the promise Shima had made about the people he tutored, seemed out of proportion.

Aki had never seemed to mind before when Shima had a girlfriend. Shima tried to remember if he’d ever kissed a girl in front of Aki, but he couldn’t seem to come up with a single instance. _He_ hadn’t wanted to see Aki’s girlfriends, but that had been because of his frustrating unrequited feelings. When he thought it through, though, he really couldn’t remember ever seeing Aki so much as kiss any of his girlfriends, but they hadn’t exactly spent every single minute around each other when they’d been dating others, either. Shima frowned at that line of thought, but all it did was frustrate him more.

Gratitude filled him when they stepped into the house. Shima was glad to see Higurashi had left and Haru was nowhere to be found, either. Shima guessed he’d gone back to the cafe.

“We need towels.” Shima  kicked his shoes off quickly and left Aki in the genkan as he hurried to the bathroom, grateful there was one on that floor. He was back in only a moment with towels, one of which he draped over Aki, who had apparently taken off his own shoes.

“I can dry myself,” Aki muttered, making Shima sigh.

“It’s my fault you’re wet.” Shima batted Aki’s hands away and worked on drying his hair.

“I ran out of the house.”

Shima didn’t reply to that directly. Instead, he asked, “why?”

Aki didn’t say anything for a long moment and Shima pulled the towel aside, finally meeting his twin brother’s eyes. Emotions Shima never expected to see from his brother were written clearly on Aki’s face. Naked pain, love… and _want_ were plain to see.

“Aki?” Shima whispered.

But Aki didn’t reply. Instead he ran past Shima and was half way up the stairs before Shima realized what had happened. He chased after his brother, but by the time he caught up, Aki was in his room and the door was closed.

Except Aki hadn’t closed it entirely—though he had attempted to lock it—and Shima took advantage of that. He pushed the door open and stepped into the room.

Aki sat in the corner, once more curled in a ball, his face in his hands.

_Why_ was this so big? What about this hit Aki so hard?

Shima stared at him for a long moment, the gears turning in his head. Could it be…? Was there a chance that… Aki felt the same way he did?

Ren’s voice piped up in the back of Aki’s head. _He_ _’d never hate you._ Did he risk it? _I don_ _’t think Aki would react like that..._ There had to be another reason for this reaction, but Shima couldn’t come up with anything no matter how much he grappled for the answer.

His heart pounded as he squatted in front of Aki. He swallowed hard, his stomach twisting into some rather impressively complicated knots. If he was wrong, if Ren was wrong… he’d lose not only his brother, but possibly his whole family.

Hands shaking, Shima reached out and touched Aki’s hands. Aki fought him briefly, but when Shima wrapped his fingers around Aki’s wrists and tugged, Aki finally dropped his hands and looked up. Tears streamed down his face and they punched a hole through Shima’s middle. It took him swallowing several times before he could speak. “I love you.”

Aki blinked at him, and Shima held his breath, but he could tell Aki wasn’t understanding.

Shima dropped his gaze to their hands. “I love you. I’m…” He swallowed again, his hands shaking even harder, palms sweating, and stomach jumping. He took Aki’s hands, threading their fingers. “I’m in love with you, Aki. I didn’t want her. I don’t want _anyone_ …” He took another breath. “I don’t want anyone that’s not you.”

Every moment Aki didn’t answer, Shima’s heartbeat sped up. Aki simply sat there, his mouth hanging open slightly. Shima tried to decipher the look on Aki’s face, but he was having real trouble. Was that… hope? Did Shima trust that? His breathing shortened as he wracked his brains to figure it out. If it was hope, if Aki wanted this, but didn’t believe it… how could he prove to Aki what he was saying?

Shima forced another breath which wasn’t nearly deep enough, then dropped to his knees in front of Aki. Hands still shaking, he reached out, cupping Aki’s cheeks. Praying harder than he ever had before in his life, he closed the distance. He hesitated, a scant centimeter from Aki’s lips. But he’d come this far and there was no turning back.

That last tiny distance disappeared as Shima caught Aki’s lips in the kind of kiss brothers are never supposed to share. He nibbled at Aki’s lips, then slid his tongue over the bottom one. Aki opened to him and lifted both hands at the same time, gripping the back of Shima’s wet shirt.

Shima slid his tongue along Aki’s, losing himself completely in a taste he never thought he’d get to experience. Amazing, incredible… Shima couldn’t come up with the right word. _Perfection_ was the closest he could find. Their mouths moved, they nibbled, then deepened the kiss again before Shima pulled back.

Eyes identical to his own met his, so full of emotion, Shima couldn’t begin to name each one. Tears still fell, though, and Shima’s chest seized up. “Aki?”

“Are you fucking with me?” If it hadn’t been so quiet in the room with nothing but the rain beating against the window, Shima might not have heard it. “Please… please don’t be fucking with me.” The tears fell faster and Shima leaned in again, kissing one cheek, then the other, clearing the tears with his lips.

“Never. Not about this.” Shima shook his head, then caught Aki’s lips in another kiss. He once more slid his tongue into Aki’s mouth, deepening the kiss again. Aki’s arms tightened around him and when Aki relaxed his legs, Shima moved in a little more, bracing one arm on the wall about his brother. When he broke the kiss this time, he was panting in an attempt to remember how to breathe. “Tell me I can touch you.”

Aki’s answer was to pull Shima in and tug at his shirt. Shima sat back long enough to peel the wet shirt over his head and toss it aside. He pulled at Aki’s and his brother moved forward just long enough for Shima to pull the T-shirt completely off. It landed with a wet plop that Shima ignored, then he tugged on Aki until he was up on his knees and they were touching from chest to knees. Shima wrapped his arms around Aki tightly, unwilling to leave a molecule of air between them if he could help it. It was too much of a dream for him, something he’d fantasized about, hoped for, for way too long. He needed to _feel_.

He threaded his fingers through Aki’s wet hair then caught his lips in another long, thorough kiss, thrilling in the taste and feel. Someone moaned, but Shima wasn’t entirely sure if it was him or Aki. He didn’t care, simply let his hands slide down over Aki’s back, mapping the muscles and dips, to rest on his wet-denim-clad hips.

With effort, Shima pulled back, panting. He looked down, letting his gaze move over Aki’s chest. “God you’re gorgeous,” he whispered before he could stop himself.

“Don’t you look in a mirror?” Aki asked with a shaky smile.

Shima looked up, caught between amusement at the blush on Aki’s cheeks—clearly, he hadn’t been expecting the compliment—and relief that Aki seemed to be closer to his normal self. Shima slid his hand around to Aki’s chest, then up along it, stopping with his hand over Aki’s heart. It pounded under his palm and Shima swallowed, his own heart beating just as hard, almost as if it was trying to match his twin’s. “Not even remotely the same,” Shima managed, his voice rough with arousal.

He met Aki’s eyes, sliding his hand back up to cup Aki’s jaw and pulling him  back in for another kiss. As his eyes slid closed, Shima let himself bring his other hand to Aki’s ass, squeezing it through his jeans. They needed to get out of their wet clothes, but Shima couldn’t seem to hold onto that thought for long, too full as he was, of the feel of Aki’s body in his arms, against him, as he’d been dreaming of for so long.

When Aki shifted and cupped Shima’s cock through his wet pants, he couldn’t resist taking his own feel. He managed to wrestle the button open on Aki’s jeans, then pull the zipper down—no mean feat with the still-wet denim—then slid his hand inside to cup Aki’s hard cock.

Shima moaned at the feel, a thousand times better than anything he could imagine. He ran his hand along the length, teasing the tip with his thumb, but he was having a very difficult time kissing Aki, touching Aki’s cock, _and_ having Aki’s hand on his own. Pulling back again, Shima panted hard, trying to remember how to simply breathe for a moment.

Then he got to his feet and held out a trembling hand. Aki stared at him for a moment, then swallowed hard, before taking it and standing, as well. Keeping his gaze on Aki, Shima kissed his way over Aki’s jaw to his ear, then along his ear and down over his neck. The moan Aki let out made Shima’s cock jump and Shima rocked into Aki, their cocks grinding into each other.

There was no doubt where this was leading. If Aki felt the same way Shima did—and at this point, Shima was sure he did—then Shima was sure Aki would want to take this further. Shima had no idea, for sure, how far that would be but it would definitely involve feeling more skin. His heart pounded as he forced himself to focus, then, on getting them naked. Gathering his wits together slid his fingers under the waistband of Aki’s jeans and underwear and pushed then down over his hips. Despite how wet they were, they were still loose enough to drop to the floor.

Before Shima could do anything else, Aki worked his pants open then pushed them down, as well. Aki’s shaky hands just brought home to Shima how much this was doing for Aki and he felt a little better about his own nervousness. An awkward shuffling moment later, they were finally completely naked.

Shima had seen Aki naked often over the years. Most of that had been before puberty or during the early stages of it. Since then, he’d only been treated to a few glimpses—including the one when Aki had been in the shower—of his brother completely naked. They _were_ twins but as he’d pointed out to Aki earlier, it wasn’t the same, even without the minor differences between them. Being able to openly look, touch, feel his brother’s body did crazy things to Shima’s insides.

He pulled Aki in until they were touching, their cocks sliding along each other’s. Both of them groaned and Shima briefly worried they’d be heard. But he reminded himself Haru was in the café and Ren was likely there, as well, and he and Aki were alone, so he forgot about it and focused solely on the man in his arms.

Catching Aki’s lips in another thorough kiss, he let himself get lost in the skin to skin contact, the feel of Aki’s hands running over his body, the taste of Aki’s kiss. Moans—sounds in _Aki_ _’s_ voice—filled his ears, and Shima was trying desperately to believe this was real.

He didn’t remember getting to the bed. Aki’s room wasn’t all that big, but they had been on the other side of it, and he didn’t notice them moving. But they bumped against the edge of the bed and he didn’t even think about it as he guided Aki onto it and onto his back. Once more, Shima made a trail of kisses, tasting the slightly-salty tears that had dried on Aki’s cheeks, as he made his way to Aki’s neck. Shima took a deep inhale of Aki’s scent, the very one that he’d masturbated to so recently. Being able to take it in up close and from the real thing was _so_ much better.

It made his cock jump and remember what he wanted to do. He continued working his way down over Aki’s body, along his collarbone, then counted each rib before going back up to tease a nipple. When Aki gasped, Shima couldn’t resist working the nipple over until Aki groaned and bucked, rubbing his cock against Shima’s. Shima moved to the other, teasing it as well, thrilled when he pulled back to see them hard and dark.

Meeting Aki’s eyes, he slid down, continuing the trail over Aki’s stomach until he was even with Aki’s cock. Eyes locked to his twin’s, Shima ran his tongue lightly along the length, earning himself a loud moan. Bracing himself on one arm, Shima lifted Aki’s cock, teasing the head with his tongue then wrapping his lips around the tip.

“Fuck, Shima!” Aki kept it quiet, but it was quite clear and made Shima fight hard to remember he couldn’t just lift Aki’s legs and _take_. He wanted to, and in that moment, it took everything in him to hold back. But it was that very thing Shima had wanted so much to hear in Aki’s voice.

Taking a deep breath and trying—a little desperately—to calm down, he focused on giving pleasure. He worked his mouth over Aki’s cock, taking it in slowly. He nearly gagged, but managed to stop himself in time. With no experience, it was no surprise he would, but the last thing he wanted to do was screw this up for them. He had no idea if anything like this would ever happen again and he’d be _damned_ if he was going to waste this opportunity.

Once more, he slid his lips over Aki’s cock, earning him more of those incredible moans, taking his time to keep from gagging. He got a little farther, but when Aki’s hand landed on Shima’s head and he threaded his fingers through Shima’s hair, the reaction went straight through Shima. The evidence of the pleasure he was giving Aki was almost too much.

Still, he managed to keep from losing himself completely and gave everything he could to pleasuring his brother. He pulled off, tracing the length with his tongue, then running it around the tip before taking Aki into his mouth again. Just the taste and feel of the cock in his mouth made Shima’s own strain and leak, and it was getting more and more difficult to hold back.

He pulled off and looked up, almost stunned at the look of pleasure and need on Aki’s face. Shima struggled for a moment to find his voice surprised as he was by the expression, but finally could speak. He slid a finger over Aki’s taint to his ass, teasing the tight muscle there. “Can I?”

As an answer, Aki twisted around, pulling open the bedside table and taking out a bottle that he held out. Lotion. Shima took it, a little amused at the shift in Aki’s personality. He had no idea getting his twin into bed would make him so quiet.

Shima pushed the thought off and concentrated on keeping his hands from shaking as he opened the cap and poured too much lotion over his fingers. He set the bottle aside and bent back down as Aki lifted and spread his legs. Settling himself, he teased the muscle then pushed the first finger in at the same time he went back to running his tongue over Aki’s cock.

Apparently, the twin sensations were too much. Aki let out a moan so loud, Shima was afraid they could hear him in the café. It seemed Aki realized it at the same time and stuffed his fist in his mouth immediately. Shima mourned the loss of Aki’s voice, but they seriously did _not_ need to be interrupted, for more reasons than Shima could count then.

He turned his attention back to what he was doing. Aki had apparently relaxed a little and Shima pushed a second finger in along with the first. He did his best to keep his gaze on Aki’s face, watching his reactions. Shima slid his fingers in farther, feeling around. When Aki’s eyes widened and his toes curled, Shima swallowed Aki’s cock as much as he could and teased the spot with his fingertips.

“Shit! Fuck! Shima, stop! I’m going to come!” Aki pulled at Shima’s hair and Shima sat up a little, surprised at how fast the pleasure had hit. He didn’t pull his fingers out, though he did stop teasing Aki’s prostate.

Shima blinked up at his twin. “Um… isn’t that kind of the point?”

Aki didn’t answer right away, his gaze aimed at the ceiling as he seemed to struggle for air. “Not… not yet,” he said, voice rough. Finally, he met Shima’s eyes. “I… I want….” He swallowed, his eyes dropping to Shima’s cock, then back up to his face. “I want you inside me,” he finished with, so low Shima almost didn’t hear him.

Well, that answered _that_ question. Shima, not sure what to say—if he could even speak—reached for the lotion bottle again, once more using too much to cover three of his fingers. Aki stiffened when Shima started to push them in, so he waited until Aki let out a breath and relaxed. Since Shima was pretty sure this was Aki’s first time—he sure as hell hoped so, anyway—he wasn’t going to take any chances. He was going to do his damnedest to make it as good as he could for Aki, especially since he had no idea what might happen after this.

Once he was sure he’d stretched Aki as much as he could, he sat back once more. As something occurred to him, he frowned. “Uh… I don’t have a condom, though….” He made sure he met Aki’s eyes. “I’ve never been with anyone.”

Aki shook his head. “Me either. I’ve never been with anyone.” He didn’t say any more, but his eyes told Shima everything. They _were_ twins and despite the distance their feelings had caused, there were still things he didn’t need Aki to say. And right then, Aki was telling Shima he wanted to feel Shima with nothing between them.

With shaky hands, Shima picked up the lotion bottle one last time and poured some into his hand. He coated his cock in it, then moved into place, wiping the excess lotion off on the blanket. He’d volunteer to wash it later. Aki pulled his legs up and Shima lined up carefully.

Though he wanted to meet Aki’s eyes, he was too worried he’d screw this up somehow, so he focused on pushing the tip though the ring of muscle. When he was sure he wasn’t going to miss—God how embarrassing would that be?—he looked up. _Now_ he could focus on Aki’s face, on the expressions as he worked his way slowly into Aki’s body.

Nothing in his imagination could compare to the real thing. When he was fully inside, he paused, a little afraid two thrusts in and he’d go off. He leaned forward and Aki cupped Shima’s face in his hands. Aki swallowed, took a breath, then whispered, “I love you.”

Shima bent forward that little farther and kissed Aki, this time slowly and almost softly. When he pulled back, he cleared his throat and could answer. “I love you too.”

Then he started moving.

It took everything in him to keep from going off in about three seconds flat. He figured it was fair, considering it was the first time he was inside another person and that person was the one he’d been in love with for years, at that. Still, he was _not_ going to embarrass himself that way.

Shima wasn’t sure if it was helping to watch Aki’s face or making it worse. Aki’s expressions, his flushed face, the emotions in his eyes were doing as much to drive Shima crazy as the feel of Aki’s body so tight and hot around his cock. He shifted to brace himself on his left forearm then slid his hand between them, wrapping it around Aki’s cock. He hoped that focusing on giving his twin pleasure could help him last just a little longer.

“Oh fuck, Shima…,” Aki groaned, scrambling to grip the headboard. His legs tightened around Shima’s hips and his muscles gripped Shima’s cock a little tighter.

That was having the exact opposite effect. If they kept that up, it would be all over. But he wouldn’t stop pleasuring Aki, either. So he gritted his teeth and started doing algebraic equations in his head. He made it through three separate Pythagorean theorem problems before he admitted it wasn’t doing a damned thing.

He gave up. He let go of Aki’s cock, bracing himself better and moved in for another long, sloppy, but _oh so good_ kiss. Aki wrapped on arm around Shima’s back and slid the other between them. When they broke apart, Shima leaned up enough to meet Aki’s gaze and give Aki room. He moved faster, thrust harder, biting his lip to help hold off just a little longer. He wanted Aki to go first, wanted to see the pleasure on his twin’s face before he gave in completely.

It only took a few moments before he was rewarded. “ _Shima_ , oh God, I’m… I can’t… oh _fuck_ ,” he groaned. He gritted his teeth, head thrown back as his muscles gripped Shima tighter and Aki’s cum shot out to cover his stomach, chest, and hand.

There was no way Shima could hold back after that. He lost all control over his voice and body. He nearly shouted Aki’s name as the orgasm hit, stealing any remaining wits Shima had. Pleasure the like of which he’d never felt before stole through him, pulling the cum from his balls to fill his twin brother. It didn’t seem to want to stop, the climax stretching out, dragging another groan from him before he finally went limp.

Shima barely managed to keep from crushing Aki when he slumped down. Breathing seemed impossible for the moment and it was all Shima could do to remember how to take air in, then let it out, one gasp at a time. Aki’s arms and legs tightened around Shima and Shima buried his face in Aki’s neck, trying to wrap his head around what had just happened.

He’d just made love to Aki. His twin brother. The man he’d been in love with for so long, he couldn’t remember anything else.

He needed to move, get his weight off Aki, but he couldn’t quite yet. Aki didn’t seem to be in any more of a hurry to change this position, so Shima dropped light kisses over Aki’s neck and shoulder. Just a few more moments, a few more kisses, a little more time before the real world crashed back in.

It wasn’t until Aki loosened his arms and legs that Shima moved. He eased slowly out of Aki’s body, then moved onto the bed. Aki went with him, and they were once more wrapped up together, their arms around each other. When Aki rested his face on Shima’s chest, he kissed the top of Aki’s head then let his own head fall back to the pillow and he stared at the ceiling.

He was trying not to panic, but as the minutes ticked by with nothing other than Aki’s arms around him, it grew anyway. What had they done? What had _he_? He’d been the one to confess first. Sure, Aki had said the words too, but what if he’d just been saying them to make Shima feel better?

Shima didn’t _think_ Aki would do something like this—even with him—if there weren’t real feelings there. But… even if Aki had been telling the truth, what did they do now?

You weren’t supposed to fall in love with your brother, much less your _twin_ brother. What would this do to Aki? What if people found out and Aki started to hate him? What if Haru did?

After all this, would he lose Aki after all?

_Oh shit. Oh fuck—_

“Hey, hey! What’s wrong?”

Shima looked down to see Aki looking up at him. He tried to find words, tried to come up with something, _anything_ , to explain his panic but he couldn’t seem to get anything out. He opened his mouth, then closed it, then opened it again, but he still couldn’t get the words past his lips.

Aki apparently read him accurately though, and Shima was once more grateful for that connection they had. Reaching up, Aki ran his fingertips over Shima’s cheek. “It’s okay. It’ll be okay. I love you. You love me. We’ll figure the rest out. I’ve known, since I figured out I love you, I’ve known how hard it’d be. But we can handle it together.”

Shima closed his eyes, struggling with the tightness in his chest. When Aki kissed him right over his heart, the pounding calmed a little. Shima opened his eyes again, meeting Aki’s gaze. He still couldn’t speak, but he tightened his arms around Aki and simply nodded.

There were so many things to figure out. Shima had no idea how he’d sleep alone after this, with his brother only a wall-width away. Despite that tiny distance, it’d feel like kilometers between them.

Would they tell Haru and Ren? Shima was sure Ren would accept them, after the conversation he and Ren had had. But he couldn’t ask Ren to keep it from Haru—unrequited feelings, yes, but not a full relationship—and despite the relationship Ren and Haru had, he didn’t know if Haru would be so understanding about he and Aki.

How would he be able to be next to Aki and yet not touch? Every time his twin was near, he’d want to touch, hold, kiss. How did they manage with all of this?

The sheer mountain of problems facing them threatened to steal Shima’s breath all over again. He didn’t know if Aki sensed his worry or if his heart was pounding again, but Aki tightened his arms a little and Shima started to calm down again. _Together_.

As long as Aki didn’t hate him, as long as they _could_ face it together, they would. Shima had to hold onto that. He _would_ hold onto that.

Because any other option would just about kill him.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize profusely for this taking so long to post. I have a deadline for the paid stuff and I've had to focus on it for a bit. With any luck the next one won't take so long.

Aki peeked out into the hallway and listened carefully. The lights in the living room below were out and there were no sounds as far as Aki could tell. _Good. Haru and Ren are in bed_.

The evening had been… more than difficult. Almost impossible. Knowing Shima shared his feelings, Aki wanted to spend the entire evening with his brother. If not in bed, then at least on the couch together doing more touching than they’d normally done. Somehow just sitting up against Shima wasn’t enough like it’d been before. He was being greedy—he was aware of that—but he couldn’t seem to help it. He’d gone for so long thinking Shima didn’t want or love him the same way he did his brother. Now that he knew, it seemed infinitely harder to keep his hands and lips to himself.

But he and Shima were both aware they couldn’t tell Haru about them—neither was sure how Haru would react—so they kept their distance. Despite Haru’s relationship with Ren, both Shima and Aki were hesitant to talk to him about their own relationship. Adopted brothers were certainly not the same thing as twins. Haru had struggled enough with just the fact that he and Ren were adopted. Neither Aki nor Shima thought he’d easily accept them. Thus… they’d been careful.

It’d taken its toll on Aki. He’d had a much harder time keeping his normally cheerful outward attitude. Every time he looked at his brother, his stomach jumped and he was caught between getting turned on and aching. Haru or Ren would say something while they were eating or watching TV, then Aki would be reminded again that he couldn’t just walk up any time he wanted and kiss Shima. He couldn’t before, but knowing his brother would want it made it that much harder to hold back. So he decided he was going to find every opportunity he could to spend time with and touch Shima. He had no illusions as to how hard it would be to find those opportunities, but he’d damned sure do his best. He absolutely would not go back to how he was before they’d confessed. Now that he knew Shima’s feelings, he wasn’t going to let them go.

Once more making sure no one was in the hall, Aki crept out into the hallway and over to Shima’s room. Easing the door open, he peered into the darkness. Thin slivers of light leaked through the blind, painting long lines over the carpet, away from the bed. As such, Aki could only barely make out Shima’s form under the covers. He slipped through the opening and carefully shut the door, then tip-toed across the floor so as not to make noise. The downstairs bathroom was directly below Shima’s bedroom and the last thing Aki wanted to do was to alert _anyone_ to something going on upstairs and, thus, prompt them to investigate. Because by this time of night, they’d both be in bed and, normally, sound asleep.

“What are you doing?” Shima whispered.

“Shh! Scoot over,” Aki said, waving his hand.

Shima did as Aki asked and Aki pulled off this T-shirt and tossed it aside, before slidind under the covers. He settled in on his side, looking at Shima.

Aki studied his brother’s face, frowning. He couldn’t see much in the darkness, but from what he could see, Shima didn’t look entirely happy. “Should I not have come? Do you not want me here?”

“It’s not that,” Shima hurried to whisper, reaching out and touching Aki’s cheek. “Sorry, that earlier came out wrong. I do want you here. Just… what if Haru comes in?”

Aki chuckled softly then replied, also whispering, “He hasn’t walked in on me without knocking since he caught me masturbating. His face was so red, I thought he was going to spontaneously combust right there.”

Shima smiled. “Yeah, I can see that.”

“Has he walked in on you?” Aki asked, raising his eyebrows.

Shima hesitated, then shook his head. “No.”

“He’ll at _least_ knock first. If he does… I’ll hide.” He gave his most charming grin and Shima rolled his eyes.

“That hasn’t worked on me in ten years.”

Aki’s grin only widened. “Uh huh.” He leaned in, then hesitated, not sure what to do, how to approach what he wanted. Shima had initiated everything earlier, from their first kiss to the sex and even the good-bye kiss before they’d left the room.

Shima didn’t let him hesitate long. He threaded his fingers through Aki’s hair and pulled him in. Aki let out a quiet moan as he met Shima’s lips in a soft kiss.

Just that. Just a small kiss like that and Aki’s cock hardened damned near instantly. He wasn’t a teenager anymore—though he wouldn’t admit that was only barely—and he thought he should be past that by now. But just being close to Shima like this was enough to make him crazy. He leaned in until their bodies were tight against each other and he was mollified somewhat to find Shima as hard as he was. Even through their boxers, Aki thought that small touch was going to drive him crazy. Shima’s arm came around him, holding him close and Aki let loose another soft moan.

“If you’re not quiet, they’ll hear,” Shima whispered.

“Do you really expect me to _not_ react, especially when we’re like this?” Aki whispered back, then rocked, grinding his cock against Shima’s.

Shima’s moan in response gave him satisfaction, along with the fact that it seemed like Shima struggled to answer. “No, but we don’t want them to come up here, do we?”

Aki was annoyed, but shook his head. Like it or not, Shima was right. “I’ll keep it contained, okay?”

Instead of a direct answer, Shima caught his lips in another kiss. Aki kept his sounds quiet and simply let himself enjoy being with Shima like this. He focused instead on touching, feeling Shima’s body, finding the differences between them. There were subtle lines in his muscles, the slightly more prominent ribs, the leaner muscle. He wanted to explore in another way, though, and nudged Shima onto his back, then moved over above him.

“Aki?”

“Shh. Just enjoy it. You got to do this earlier.”

Either Shima was behaving or just didn’t know what to say, but he didn’t reply. Aki took it as the permission he knew his brother meant it to be and focused instead on finding the places that made Shima gasp. He was delighted to find Shima’s nipples were as sensitive as his own were and teased them until they hardened and Shima struggled for breath.

That made him wonder if his twin brother was like him in other ways too. Sure enough, the spot on Shima’s stomach brought a gasp. Shima’s inner thighs were as sensitive as Aki’s were. And dragging his lips over the very light treasure trail Shima had made his brother stuff a fist in his mouth and grab Aki’s hair. When he pulled Shima’s boxers off and followed them down Shima’s legs, kissing his way along behind them, Shima seemed to be struggling to keep quiet. It did amazing things for Aki to know he could get his brother into a state like that.

Aki grinned a little evilly before he hovered over Shima’s hard cock. Even in the darkness, the want and need on Shima’s face just about did him in. He cleared his throat and whispered, “Lotion?”

Shima twisted around and pulled open his bedside table, grabbing a bottle and almost shoving it toward Aki. If it had been any other situation, Aki might have teased his brother over the urgency, but right then he couldn’t do it. Instead, he worried about kicking his own boxers off, then taking the bottle from Shima. He opened it, pouring a bit over his fingers. Then he turned his attention to Shima’s cock, as he reached back to stretch himself.

At some point, he’d get Shima to let him top. Right then, he didn’t care. He _liked_ having Shima inside him and was too anxious to get things moving further along in that moment.

He took Shima’s cock into his mouth, careful to not go too far too fast. Shima bit down on his fist again and Aki felt good at the reaction. He remembered Shima almost choking on Aki’s cock and since they were apparently the same when it came to cock size like everything else, Aki wasn’t going to do anything to set them back.

So, he worked his way slowly, testing to find his gag reflex and stopped as soon as he felt the hint of it. He figured he could work more on it later, but he was in the process of giving his first ever blowjob to someone who was experiencing one for the first time ever and he didn’t want to fuck it up.

It was rather difficult to both stretch himself _and_ pleasure Shima at the same time, but he managed to focus enough to get his fingers into his ass. He was relieved—and a little surprised—to find himself still somewhat open from earlier. He was just grateful for it and turned his focus back to Shima’s cock.

And promptly got lost. He’d fantasized for so damned long about pleasuring Shima this way, tasting and touching. He ran his tongue over it, teasing the length then the head, then swallowing it again. He tried not to think about his gag reflex and just savored the feel of Shima’s cock in his mouth, the soft skin against his tongue. He couldn’t seem to get enough, cleaning the beads of precum, then sucking lightly at the tip before pulling off and doing it all over again.

Shima’s hand tightened in Aki’s hair and Shima pulled a little, making Aki look up. The near-desperate want in Shima’s eyes—want Aki could see clearly despite the darkness—went straight to his cock. He let go of Shima’s dick and grabbed up the lotion bottle again. “Need to get the real stuff,” he muttered as he opened the cap and poured some into his hand. He closed it again, then tossed the bottle aside and coated Shima’s cock with the lotion.

Once he was sure Shima was slick enough, Aki moved up along his brother’s body, straddling Shima’s hips. Meeting his eyes, Aki reached back and steadied Shima’s cock, lining it up carefully. Then slowly—maybe too slowly for his own sanity—Aki lowered himself, filling himself with Shima’s hard length.

“ _Fuck_ ,” Shima whispered, grabbing at a pillow. He stuffed it in his mouth, eyes slamming shut. The reaction did all sorts of things to Aki, prompting him start moving. He lifted himself up then lowered himself again, fighting his own urge to moan at the sensations.

It was all still so new and Aki didn’t know how to handle the incredible pleasure. Too much at once, too many things to absorb. The smell of sweat and sex, the vision of Shima’s face twisted in pleasure, the feel of his brother’s body, Shima’s cock filling him—it was all too much.

Then Shima wrapped a hand around Aki’s cock and it was all Aki could do to keep from going off in about three seconds flat. “ _Shit!_ ” He managed to keep it a whisper, but only barely. His eyes slammed closed and he gritted his teeth. He rocked his hips, moving faster, dropping a little harder onto Shima’s cock.

Shima moved his hand a little faster, tightening it and Aki fought it with everything he had. He opened his eyes and met Shima’s eyes, tightening his muscles around Shima’s cock. Shima’s eyes closed at that and he clenched his teeth. His hand faltered on Aki’s cock, but Aki was glad for it. He wasn’t ready for it to be over just yet.

He leaned back, bracing himself on Shima’s thighs and managed, with the new support, to move a little faster, rock a little harder. Aki lost himself a little to the pleasure then, biting his lip to keep in the sounds. His brother just felt _so fucking good._ “Shima,” he whispered, a warning because, despite his best efforts, his orgasm was approaching fast.

“Yeah, me too,” Shima whispered back. He stroked Aki’s cock faster, then tightened it just enough.

That was it, that was all Aki could handle. He wanted to wait for Shima, but he just couldn’t manage it. Gritting his teeth hard, he struggled to keep the sounds contained as he lost control. Pleasure hit hard, stealing any remaining sanity. He covered Shima’s chest with his cum, his orgasm almost too much. At that moment, Shima thrust up into him and the cock filling him pulsed hard. Shima grit his teeth, eyes squeezed shut. He let a muffled “Aki” through, then a moment later, went limp.

Aki leaned forward, bracing himself over Shima, but unwilling to move otherwise just yet. He was still almost desperately trying to catch his breath and he didn’t want to lose that connection right then. He loved the feel of Shima inside him, filling him up and it was still such a new thing, he wanted to experience it as much as he could. He finally managed to calm down a little and lifted himself a little to look down at his brother.

Shima cupped Aki’s face in his palms, meeting his eyes. “I love you.”

It took Aki a few seconds to get enough breath to reply, the words stealing it all over again. “I still feel like I’m dreaming. Even with where we are right now, having just made love. I love you so damned much.” He swallowed hard, then leaned forward and kissed Shima softly.

He eased off Shima then and reached over the side of the bed for his T-shirt. In silence, he cleaned Shima’s chest, then tossed the T-shirt back onto the floor. He settled in on his side, but before he could do more, Shima wrapped an arm around him and pulled until they were against each other, legs threaded.

“Um, just so you know, I… I didn’t come here for that, exactly. I just…” He didn’t know how to say what was going on in his head. He just couldn’t imagine spending the night alone. It was ridiculous, he knew that, they hadn’t slept in the same bed since they were tiny. This _was_ different, with their feelings out between them. An because of this, somehow, the thought of sleeping alone made him want to… he didn’t know what. He just knew it wasn’t good.

“I didn’t think you did,” Shima whispered back. “I’m glad you came over here, though.”

Aki smiled. “Me too.” He frowned, not happy with the expression on Shima’s face. Something was on his brother’s mind—not that they didn’t have a _lot_ to think about—but Aki didn’t think it was the same main fears they’d had since they’d confessed earlier. But, despite his usual abilities to read his twin, he couldn’t figure it out. “What is it?”

Shima hesitated, opened his mouth as if to speak, then closed it again.

“I’d think by now you know you can say anything to me, right?”

Shima blinked at him. “Yeah, I guess so. Um… would you want to go on a date?”

Aki blinked at him. “A date?”

“Yeah. A… a real one.”

“As opposed to the almost-date we went on?”

That brought a smile to Shima’s face. “Yeah. I hadn’t _meant_ it to be a date, exactly. I just wanted to give you a good evening. But I’m glad it worked out that way.”

“I thought I was going nuts,” Aki said, shaking his head.

Shima chuckled. “That makes two of us. So… date?”

Aki frowned. “How do we do that, though? I mean, it’s not like we could just walk down the street holding hands.”

Shima winced and Aki wanted to kick himself. He was well aware of how worried Shima was about their relationship. He frowned, though, because he had absolutely no clue what they could do.

“Never mind—”

Aki kissed Shima before he could finish. “I _want_ to. I don’t know how we’ll do it, but I _do_ want to. We’ll figure something out, okay?”

Shima considered him for a long moment, then nodded. “Okay.”

With another kiss, Shima laid his head on Aki’s arm and closed his eyes. Aki got the message that Shima didn’t want to talk anymore. After the day he had, though, Aki was tired too. He wanted to spend more time trying to figure out a date with Shima, but before he could do anything, he passed out.

 

 

Aki couldn’t remember ever being happier when he woke up in the morning in his life. When he opened his eyes, it was to see a pair identical to his own open and watching him. Without speaking, Aki brushed his fingers over Shima’s cheek. “Wouldn’t mind seeing this every morning,” he murmured.

Shima gave a half smile. “You could always put a mirror on your wall.”

Despite himself, Aki laughed. “Asshole.” Shima didn’t bother to respond to that. Aki let it go and leaned in, brushing his lips over Shima’s.

“Um... I’ve got morning breath.”

“I don’t even care a little,” Aki said, pressing his lips to Shima’s again.

Apparently, Shima gave up worrying about it too because he opened his mouth and their tongues touched. Before they could get too lost in the kiss, however, someone pounded at Aki’s door. Obviously, Aki couldn’t answer, so he just stayed quiet and let Haru—because that’s the only one who’d pound like that—think he was asleep. A moment later, Haru pounded on Shima’s door.

“Shima! It’s getting late. You’re due in the store in a little while. And wake Aki. He’s not answering.”

Shima cleared his throat, then called, “I’m up. I’ll get Aki.”

Aki held his breath, a hand over his mouth to keep from laughing, until Haru’s footsteps had faded. He blew out a breath. “See? Didn’t walk in.”

“Yeah. Not sure if we can count on that, but... it’s _probably_ okay.” Shima sat up a little and leaned past Aki. “He’s right, though. We’re going to be late if we don’t get moving.”

Aki groaned. “Ugh. Fine.” He climbed out of bed and picked up his T-shirt and boxers. The boxers were fine and he pulled those on. The T-shirt was, however, still sticky from his cum the night before. He wadded it in a ball, then turned to Shima as he got out of bed. “I’m glad we got to spend the night together.” His cheeks heated a little at the words, bashful for no reason he could pinpiont, but Shima didn’t laugh or say anything at first, simply kissed him.

“Me too.”

Without another word, Aki went over and opened the door, peering out. When he was sure the hall was empty, he hurried into his own room.

He made a face when his ass felt sticky. He took tissues and cleaned himself up the best he could, then focused on getting dressed. While he did so, he kept running over and over in his head what they could possibly do for a date. It couldn’t be too close; there were too many people around there that knew them to be twin brothers.

No matter where they went, they’d still look like twins, but Aki wondered if maybe with the height difference and Shima’s glasses it wouldn’t, at least, make people thing _twins_. They still looked like brothers, there was no doubt about that. There had to be something they could do, though.

He continued to let the thoughts turn over as he left his room. After a quick stop in the bathroom, he made it downstairs to find Shima already down there. “Haru?”

“He and Ren are already in the cafe. We have a minute, though,” Shima said as they put their shoes on in the small room between the house and cafe.

Aki nodded. After they stood, he looked around, then dropped a kiss on Shima. He couldn’t manage to keep it to a short kiss, though. It just wasn’t enough. Before he realized he was doing it, he had Shima pushed against the wall and their lips fused. He was fairly confident Haru and Ren were busy enough to not interrupt them for these few minutes.

He cupped Shima’s face in his hands, sliding his tongue into Shima’s mouth. Ever mindful of where they were, he stifled the moan, which got a lot harder when Shima’s hands landed on Aki’s ass. Shima squeezed him just a little, but it was enough to make him need so much more than he could get. Instead, he focused on why he’d started the kiss and poured into the kiss just how much he’d miss Shima while they were in the cafe.

When they broke apart, Shima was panting as much as he was. “That’s going to make working... fun.”

Aki couldn’t stop the chuckle at that. “Yeah. Today’s going to be hard.” He smirked. “At times, literally.”

Shima laughed. “Right. I’ll just have to try to not look at your ass.”

Aki grinned. “We can do it. We’ll make it.” Aki considered whether or not to say what he was thinking, but he figured it might help them get through. “How about the amusement park? The one over on the other side of town.”

“That’s pretty far away.” Shima considered him a moment, then nodded. “We might not be recognized.” He frowned. “We’re still brothers, though, even if they don’t know _who_ over there.”

“Yeah, I know. But I don’t think it’ll matter as much if they don’t know us, you know?”

Shima tilted his head, obviously thinking it through. “That’s true. I mean… strangers.”

“Exactly. So… I think we’re off next weekend. What do you think?”

“I like it.” Shima smiled. “Now...” He took a deep breath and let it out. “Work.”

Aki wrinkled his nose. “Yeah. Let’s go.”


	7. Chapter 7

Aki peeked out into the hallway and listened carefully. The lights in the living room below were out and there were no sounds as far as Aki could tell. _Good. Haru and Ren are in bed_.

The evening had been… more than difficult. Almost impossible. Knowing Shima shared his feelings, Aki wanted to spend the entire evening with his brother. If not in bed, then at least on the couch together doing more touching than they’d normally done. Somehow just sitting up against Shima wasn’t enough like it’d been before. He was being greedy—he was aware of that—but he couldn’t seem to help it. He’d gone for so long thinking Shima didn’t want or love him the same way he did his brother. Now that he knew, it seemed infinitely harder to keep his hands and lips to himself.

But he and Shima were both aware they couldn’t tell Haru about them—neither was sure how Haru would react—so they kept their distance. Despite Haru’s relationship with Ren, both Shima and Aki were hesitant to talk to him about their own relationship. Adopted brothers were certainly not the same thing as twins. Haru had struggled enough with just the fact that he and Ren were adopted. Neither Aki nor Shima thought he’d easily accept them. Thus… they’d been careful.

It’d taken its toll on Aki. He’d had a much harder time keeping his normally cheerful outward attitude. Every time he looked at his brother, his stomach jumped and he was caught between getting turned on and aching. Haru or Ren would say something while they were eating or watching TV, then Aki would be reminded again that he couldn’t just walk up any time he wanted and kiss Shima. He couldn’t before, but knowing his brother would want it made it that much harder to hold back. So he decided he was going to find every opportunity he could to spend time with and touch Shima. He had no illusions as to how hard it would be to find those opportunities, but he’d damned sure do his best. He absolutely would not go back to how he was before they’d confessed. Now that he knew Shima’s feelings, he wasn’t going to let them go.

Once more making sure no one was in the hall, Aki crept out into the hallway and over to Shima’s room. Easing the door open, he peered into the darkness. Thin slivers of light leaked through the blind, painting long lines over the carpet, away from the bed. As such, Aki could only barely make out Shima’s form under the covers. He slipped through the opening and carefully shut the door, then tip-toed across the floor so as not to make noise. The downstairs bathroom was directly below Shima’s bedroom and the last thing Aki wanted to do was to alert _anyone_ to something going on upstairs and, thus, prompt them to investigate. Because by this time of night, they’d both be in bed and, normally, sound asleep.

“What are you doing?” Shima whispered.

“Shh! Scoot over,” Aki said, waving his hand.

Shima did as Aki asked and Aki pulled off this T-shirt and tossed it aside, before slidind under the covers. He settled in on his side, looking at Shima.

Aki studied his brother’s face, frowning. He couldn’t see much in the darkness, but from what he could see, Shima didn’t look entirely happy. “Should I not have come? Do you not want me here?”

“It’s not that,” Shima hurried to whisper, reaching out and touching Aki’s cheek. “Sorry, that earlier came out wrong. I do want you here. Just… what if Haru comes in?”

Aki chuckled softly then replied, also whispering, “He hasn’t walked in on me without knocking since he caught me masturbating. His face was so red, I thought he was going to spontaneously combust right there.”

Shima smiled. “Yeah, I can see that.”

“Has he walked in on you?” Aki asked, raising his eyebrows.

Shima hesitated, then shook his head. “No.”

“He’ll at _least_ knock first. If he does… I’ll hide.” He gave his most charming grin and Shima rolled his eyes.

“That hasn’t worked on me in ten years.”

Aki’s grin only widened. “Uh huh.” He leaned in, then hesitated, not sure what to do, how to approach what he wanted. Shima had initiated everything earlier, from their first kiss to the sex and even the good-bye kiss before they’d left the room.

Shima didn’t let him hesitate long. He threaded his fingers through Aki’s hair and pulled him in. Aki let out a quiet moan as he met Shima’s lips in a soft kiss.

Just that. Just a small kiss like that and Aki’s cock hardened damned near instantly. He wasn’t a teenager anymore—though he wouldn’t admit that was only barely—and he thought he should be past that by now. But just being close to Shima like this was enough to make him crazy. He leaned in until their bodies were tight against each other and he was mollified somewhat to find Shima as hard as he was. Even through their boxers, Aki thought that small touch was going to drive him crazy. Shima’s arm came around him, holding him close and Aki let loose another soft moan.

“If you’re not quiet, they’ll hear,” Shima whispered.

“Do you really expect me to _not_ react, especially when we’re like this?” Aki whispered back, then rocked, grinding his cock against Shima’s.

Shima’s moan in response gave him satisfaction, along with the fact that it seemed like Shima struggled to answer. “No, but we don’t want them to come up here, do we?”

Aki was annoyed, but shook his head. Like it or not, Shima was right. “I’ll keep it contained, okay?”

Instead of a direct answer, Shima caught his lips in another kiss. Aki kept his sounds quiet and simply let himself enjoy being with Shima like this. He focused instead on touching, feeling Shima’s body, finding the differences between them. There were subtle lines in his muscles, the slightly more prominent ribs, the leaner muscle. He wanted to explore in another way, though, and nudged Shima onto his back, then moved over above him.

“Aki?”

“Shh. Just enjoy it. You got to do this earlier.”

Either Shima was behaving or just didn’t know what to say, but he didn’t reply. Aki took it as the permission he knew his brother meant it to be and focused instead on finding the places that made Shima gasp. He was delighted to find Shima’s nipples were as sensitive as his own were and teased them until they hardened and Shima struggled for breath.

That made him wonder if his twin brother was like him in other ways too. Sure enough, the spot on Shima’s stomach brought a gasp. Shima’s inner thighs were as sensitive as Aki’s were. And dragging his lips over the very light treasure trail Shima had made his brother stuff a fist in his mouth and grab Aki’s hair. When he pulled Shima’s boxers off and followed them down Shima’s legs, kissing his way along behind them, Shima seemed to be struggling to keep quiet. It did amazing things for Aki to know he could get his brother into a state like that.

Aki grinned a little evilly before he hovered over Shima’s hard cock. Even in the darkness, the want and need on Shima’s face just about did him in. He cleared his throat and whispered, “Lotion?”

Shima twisted around and pulled open his bedside table, grabbing a bottle and almost shoving it toward Aki. If it had been any other situation, Aki might have teased his brother over the urgency, but right then he couldn’t do it. Instead, he worried about kicking his own boxers off, then taking the bottle from Shima. He opened it, pouring a bit over his fingers. Then he turned his attention to Shima’s cock, as he reached back to stretch himself.

At some point, he’d get Shima to let him top. Right then, he didn’t care. He _liked_ having Shima inside him and was too anxious to get things moving further along in that moment.

He took Shima’s cock into his mouth, careful to not go too far too fast. Shima bit down on his fist again and Aki felt good at the reaction. He remembered Shima almost choking on Aki’s cock and since they were apparently the same when it came to cock size like everything else, Aki wasn’t going to do anything to set them back.

So, he worked his way slowly, testing to find his gag reflex and stopped as soon as he felt the hint of it. He figured he could work more on it later, but he was in the process of giving his first ever blowjob to someone who was experiencing one for the first time ever and he didn’t want to fuck it up.

It was rather difficult to both stretch himself _and_ pleasure Shima at the same time, but he managed to focus enough to get his fingers into his ass. He was relieved—and a little surprised—to find himself still somewhat open from earlier. He was just grateful for it and turned his focus back to Shima’s cock.

And promptly got lost. He’d fantasized for so damned long about pleasuring Shima this way, tasting and touching. He ran his tongue over it, teasing the length then the head, then swallowing it again. He tried not to think about his gag reflex and just savored the feel of Shima’s cock in his mouth, the soft skin against his tongue. He couldn’t seem to get enough, cleaning the beads of precum, then sucking lightly at the tip before pulling off and doing it all over again.

Shima’s hand tightened in Aki’s hair and Shima pulled a little, making Aki look up. The near-desperate want in Shima’s eyes—want Aki could see clearly despite the darkness—went straight to his cock. He let go of Shima’s dick and grabbed up the lotion bottle again. “Need to get the real stuff,” he muttered as he opened the cap and poured some into his hand. He closed it again, then tossed the bottle aside and coated Shima’s cock with the lotion.

Once he was sure Shima was slick enough, Aki moved up along his brother’s body, straddling Shima’s hips. Meeting his eyes, Aki reached back and steadied Shima’s cock, lining it up carefully. Then slowly—maybe too slowly for his own sanity—Aki lowered himself, filling himself with Shima’s hard length.

“ _Fuck_ ,” Shima whispered, grabbing at a pillow. He stuffed it in his mouth, eyes slamming shut. The reaction did all sorts of things to Aki, prompting him start moving. He lifted himself up then lowered himself again, fighting his own urge to moan at the sensations.

It was all still so new and Aki didn’t know how to handle the incredible pleasure. Too much at once, too many things to absorb. The smell of sweat and sex, the vision of Shima’s face twisted in pleasure, the feel of his brother’s body, Shima’s cock filling him—it was all too much.

Then Shima wrapped a hand around Aki’s cock and it was all Aki could do to keep from going off in about three seconds flat. “ _Shit!_ ” He managed to keep it a whisper, but only barely. His eyes slammed closed and he gritted his teeth. He rocked his hips, moving faster, dropping a little harder onto Shima’s cock.

Shima moved his hand a little faster, tightening it and Aki fought it with everything he had. He opened his eyes and met Shima’s eyes, tightening his muscles around Shima’s cock. Shima’s eyes closed at that and he clenched his teeth. His hand faltered on Aki’s cock, but Aki was glad for it. He wasn’t ready for it to be over just yet.

He leaned back, bracing himself on Shima’s thighs and managed, with the new support, to move a little faster, rock a little harder. Aki lost himself a little to the pleasure then, biting his lip to keep in the sounds. His brother just felt _so fucking good._ “Shima,” he whispered, a warning because, despite his best efforts, his orgasm was approaching fast.

“Yeah, me too,” Shima whispered back. He stroked Aki’s cock faster, then tightened it just enough.

That was it, that was all Aki could handle. He wanted to wait for Shima, but he just couldn’t manage it. Gritting his teeth hard, he struggled to keep the sounds contained as he lost control. Pleasure hit hard, stealing any remaining sanity. He covered Shima’s chest with his cum, his orgasm almost too much. At that moment, Shima thrust up into him and the cock filling him pulsed hard. Shima grit his teeth, eyes squeezed shut. He let a muffled “Aki” through, then a moment later, went limp.

Aki leaned forward, bracing himself over Shima, but unwilling to move otherwise just yet. He was still almost desperately trying to catch his breath and he didn’t want to lose that connection right then. He loved the feel of Shima inside him, filling him up and it was still such a new thing, he wanted to experience it as much as he could. He finally managed to calm down a little and lifted himself a little to look down at his brother.

Shima cupped Aki’s face in his palms, meeting his eyes. “I love you.”

It took Aki a few seconds to get enough breath to reply, the words stealing it all over again. “I still feel like I’m dreaming. Even with where we are right now, having just made love. I love you so damned much.” He swallowed hard, then leaned forward and kissed Shima softly.

He eased off Shima then and reached over the side of the bed for his T-shirt. In silence, he cleaned Shima’s chest, then tossed the T-shirt back onto the floor. He settled in on his side, but before he could do more, Shima wrapped an arm around him and pulled until they were against each other, legs threaded.

“Um, just so you know, I… I didn’t come here for that, exactly. I just…” He didn’t know how to say what was going on in his head. He just couldn’t imagine spending the night alone. It was ridiculous, he knew that, they hadn’t slept in the same bed since they were tiny. This _was_ different, with their feelings out between them. An because of this, somehow, the thought of sleeping alone made him want to… he didn’t know what. He just knew it wasn’t good.

“I didn’t think you did,” Shima whispered back. “I’m glad you came over here, though.”

Aki smiled. “Me too.” He frowned, not happy with the expression on Shima’s face. Something was on his brother’s mind—not that they didn’t have a _lot_ to think about—but Aki didn’t think it was the same main fears they’d had since they’d confessed earlier. But, despite his usual abilities to read his twin, he couldn’t figure it out. “What is it?”

Shima hesitated, opened his mouth as if to speak, then closed it again.

“I’d think by now you know you can say anything to me, right?”

Shima blinked at him. “Yeah, I guess so. Um… would you want to go on a date?”

Aki blinked at him. “A date?”

“Yeah. A… a real one.”

“As opposed to the almost-date we went on?”

That brought a smile to Shima’s face. “Yeah. I hadn’t _meant_ it to be a date, exactly. I just wanted to give you a good evening. But I’m glad it worked out that way.”

“I thought I was going nuts,” Aki said, shaking his head.

Shima chuckled. “That makes two of us. So… date?”

Aki frowned. “How do we do that, though? I mean, it’s not like we could just walk down the street holding hands.”

Shima winced and Aki wanted to kick himself. He was well aware of how worried Shima was about their relationship. He frowned, though, because he had absolutely no clue what they could do.

“Never mind—”

Aki kissed Shima before he could finish. “I _want_ to. I don’t know how we’ll do it, but I _do_ want to. We’ll figure something out, okay?”

Shima considered him for a long moment, then nodded. “Okay.”

With another kiss, Shima laid his head on Aki’s arm and closed his eyes. Aki got the message that Shima didn’t want to talk anymore. After the day he had, though, Aki was tired too. He wanted to spend more time trying to figure out a date with Shima, but before he could do anything, he passed out.

Aki couldn’t remember ever being happier when he woke up in the morning in his life. When he opened his eyes, it was to see a pair identical to his own open and watching him. Without speaking, Aki brushed his fingers over Shima’s cheek. “Wouldn’t mind seeing this every morning,” he murmured.

Shima gave a half smile. “You could always put a mirror on your wall.”

Despite himself, Aki laughed. “Asshole.” Shima didn’t bother to respond to that. Aki let it go and leaned in, brushing his lips over Shima’s.

“Um... I’ve got morning breath.”

“I don’t even care a little,” Aki said, pressing his lips to Shima’s again.

Apparently, Shima gave up worrying about it too because he opened his mouth and their tongues touched. Before they could get too lost in the kiss, however, someone pounded at Aki’s door. Obviously, Aki couldn’t answer, so he just stayed quiet and let Haru—because that’s the only one who’d pound like that—think he was asleep. A moment later, Haru pounded on Shima’s door.

“Shima! It’s getting late. You’re due in the store in a little while. And wake Aki. He’s not answering.”

Shima cleared his throat, then called, “I’m up. I’ll get Aki.”

Aki held his breath, a hand over his mouth to keep from laughing, until Haru’s footsteps had faded. He blew out a breath. “See? Didn’t walk in.”

“Yeah. Not sure if we can count on that, but... it’s _probably_ okay.” Shima sat up a little and leaned past Aki. “He’s right, though. We’re going to be late if we don’t get moving.”

Aki groaned. “Ugh. Fine.” He climbed out of bed and picked up his T-shirt and boxers. The boxers were fine and he pulled those on. The T-shirt was, however, still sticky from his cum the night before. He wadded it in a ball, then turned to Shima as he got out of bed. “I’m glad we got to spend the night together.” His cheeks heated a little at the words, bashful for no reason he could pinpiont, but Shima didn’t laugh or say anything at first, simply kissed him.

“Me too.”

Without another word, Aki went over and opened the door, peering out. When he was sure the hall was empty, he hurried into his own room.

He made a face when his ass felt sticky. He took tissues and cleaned himself up the best he could, then focused on getting dressed. While he did so, he kept running over and over in his head what they could possibly do for a date. It couldn’t be too close; there were too many people around there that knew them to be twin brothers.

No matter where they went, they’d still look like twins, but Aki wondered if maybe with the height difference and Shima’s glasses it wouldn’t, at least, make people thing _twins_. They still looked like brothers, there was no doubt about that. There had to be something they could do, though.

He continued to let the thoughts turn over as he left his room. After a quick stop in the bathroom, he made it downstairs to find Shima already down there. “Haru?”

“He and Ren are already in the cafe. We have a minute, though,” Shima said as they put their shoes on in the small room between the house and cafe.

Aki nodded. After they stood, he looked around, then dropped a kiss on Shima. He couldn’t manage to keep it to a short kiss, though. It just wasn’t enough. Before he realized he was doing it, he had Shima pushed against the wall and their lips fused. He was fairly confident Haru and Ren were busy enough to not interrupt them for these few minutes.

He cupped Shima’s face in his hands, sliding his tongue into Shima’s mouth. Ever mindful of where they were, he stifled the moan, which got a lot harder when Shima’s hands landed on Aki’s ass. Shima squeezed him just a little, but it was enough to make him need so much more than he could get. Instead, he focused on why he’d started the kiss and poured into the kiss just how much he’d miss Shima while they were in the cafe.

When they broke apart, Shima was panting as much as he was. “That’s going to make working... fun.”

Aki couldn’t stop the chuckle at that. “Yeah. Today’s going to be hard.” He smirked. “At times, literally.”

Shima laughed. “Right. I’ll just have to try to not look at your ass.”

Aki grinned. “We can do it. We’ll make it.” Aki considered whether or not to say what he was thinking, but he figured it might help them get through. “How about the amusement park? The one over on the other side of town.”

“That’s pretty far away.” Shima considered him a moment, then nodded. “We might not be recognized.” He frowned. “We’re still brothers, though, even if they don’t know _who_ over there.”

“Yeah, I know. But I don’t think it’ll matter as much if they don’t know us, you know?”

Shima tilted his head, obviously thinking it through. “That’s true. I mean… strangers.”

“Exactly. So… I think we’re off next weekend. What do you think?”

“I like it.” Shima smiled. “Now...” He took a deep breath and let it out. “Work.”

Aki wrinkled his nose. “Yeah. Let’s go.”


End file.
